The name is:
Today I was trying to find a semi- old journal I had been keeping since I was 6 weeks pregnant. It had all sorts of stuff in it! I realized today that I threw it away because every page was stained with my fear. In every sentence it was clear I was terrified. I didn’t want my sweet baby to ever read this and feel any kind of bad feeling because mommy was so scared. So to the trash can it went a couple weeks ago.
Today I am not fearful of the things I was when I was only 8 weeks pregnant. Before anyone except John and I knew. That time was so uncertain and unfamiliar. Even though I am still scared of other things (i.e. the exit of dear baby princess) I know that I will have support.
The MAIN reason I wanted to find that book was because of a particular entry I first wrote. It was about when I told John we were pregnant. He told me that we would be okay. He told me that he would never leave or run away. He told me that we would do this together! I could see in his eyes that he would not ever leave us alone and scared. And even though his face was a shade of green I hadn’t seen yet, he agreed to lay with me just so that I could think with him. We planned to eat dinner…we did not eat dinner. In that entry I also noted that I thought he was such a kind person and I knew that he would always take care of us. That he would be such a great father and when I didn’t know what to do, he would help me figure it out. All of these things are true. John is a man that would probably feed his dog before himself, he would help a friend even if it was the most inconvenient situation in the world, he would drop anything for his family in the blink of an eye, and I think he would do anything to make me happy.
When John loves something or someone it shows.
Clearly I am a very lucky girl. Not only do I have this perfect boy the rest of my life, as my best friend and partner, my baby girl’s daddy, but I also will gain a whole new family I already love.
Why didn’t I buy this? It’s cute. It was the last one,
and I didn’t even check the brand on the tag! Could I wear it after baby? MAYBE!!!!
It’s hard to pick clothes because I can’t figure out if I like them now because they fit the bump…what if I don’t want to wear them after another month or two? Maternity clothes are EXPENSIVE- especially if you think about how long you will wear them. I’ve quit going to maternity stores unless they’re in my normal store…I.e. Gap maternity!
Moving along! It’s time for the 33 week post.
How MUCH longer? (you like how I switched up the wording?) 3 weeks minimum…8 weeks maximum!
Weight gain: ugh 25 lbs. I keep reading I’ll gain 1/2 a lb a week from here on out. So if I make it to 40 weeks…that will put me at 28-29 lbs total. I feel like it will be a few more.
Cravings: I really wanted chili today. Cravings used to be a food I would think about ALL day…or even a whole week…but now it’s just something I see and think about wanting that moment…well maybe a few moments, but they’re not like they used to be.
What I miss:
My Christmas PJs from last year.
Tom sleeping on my tummy.
My feet. Especially the left one. I can reach righty much better because the Baby’s feet are on my right side…the left side…is a WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY! The entire torso of baby is over there…not leaving me much room to pull my leg close. I’m pretty sure I will go into labor with only my right leg shaved.
What I enjoy:
People touching my stomach. I haven’t had any weird instances of people touching me…only people I am familiar with…I even get it rubbed sometimes at work. That would be super creepy if I wasn’t pregnant.
Being in hot water. I’m growing fonder of our seat in the shower more and more. Because then, I get to BE LAZY in the shower!!!
How do I feel?
Eh. I feel big. My feet feel bruised. Then they have to carry my big giant butt around! Some days I get the Braxton hicks contractions and I can’t do anything!!! Now a days when I go to the doctors office I feel jipped. I get NO ultrasound, I get poked with a needle, I get proded like a cow, and they hook me up to all sorts of machinery so I can’t walk. Not to mention this last visit the heat was on HIGH. Pregnant ladies need air, y’all!!! LOTS of air!
I’ve been told to rest…but all I do when I lay down is think of things I need to do. I gotta do laundry, paint, hang pictures up, clean up Babys room, clean out closets, gotta feed and water the animals…I just keep thinking of things!!! I feel like nothing is ever going to get done and I don’t feel like doing it most days!:(
I don’t know if I can last another 6-8 weeks!