Operation Harper Mack


I have decided that we have plans next week. Get this baby on the fast track to meeting Mommy and Daddy!

I’ve been fond of the current housing situation for you little bunny…but the past few weeks have been rough. Preterm labor was a lot. The kicking is a little torturous now. And false labor…may be even worse than preterm. Knowing I’m having false labor makes me frustrated and wonder when the real thing is going to hit…and how long does this have to go on? I’ve heard weeks! 😦 It hurts.

And I got to see your chubby face 2 weeks ago and I want to see it in person soon!!!

Don’t worry…I don’t plan on doing anything TOO crazy…but here are some options I found online!

How to evict Harper Mack:

  • Bumpy car rides – hello people! I live across 3 railroad tracks. I travel over them 4 times a day. I feel like this is a myth.
  • Light exercise – Walk the great dane? MAYBE!
  • Walking
  • Breast stimulation – I haven’t investigated this much but I DO have a breast pump.
  • Caster Oil – Women SWEAR BY THIS! it has a 60% success rate…this may be my knight and shining armor.
  • Spicy food – Eh…I did this last night and nothing happened!
  • Eating pineapple – Consider it done. I won’t even question the validity of the suggestion.
  • Wink Wink…there’s another way to induce too but it would be TMI!

I also found this pretty nifty : Skipolini’s Pizza in California and Scalini Restaurant in Georgia actually served foods that helped their overdue women go into labor.

Protocol before heading to the hospital: (or if I feel like we may go the next day)

  • Take a shower
  • Groom in necessary areas. Areas that I can reach.
  • Make sure my nails and toes are painted fresh. If no time, pack supplies to do so in hospital bed.
  • Fluff hair up and style.
  • Apply fake tanner.
  • Apply and pack deoderant.
  • Pack random things into pre packed bag and shout at John to grab other random things to shove into said bag. Which is already full.
  • EAT A SNACK! They starve you at the hospital!

Things I’m worried about:

  • Will John be home when it’s TIME?
  • Will I lose it because of the pain?
  • What if my nurse isn’t very nice?
  • What if my doctor isn’t there?
  • What if the doctor on call is THE ONE I BROKE UP WITH!???? He wasn’t a very good doctor…I might just hold the baby in until my doctor comes back on call.
  • What if my body doesn’t cooperate?
  • What if I crap my pants?
  • What if I have to ask family to leave during the labor process?
  • What if I have to get a C section?!

THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF BELL’S LABOR:

  1. John is not allowed to leave me at any time unless otherwise asked by the nurses, or unless I am free to eat and he has a giant handful of chicken fingers and ice cream. Any violation of this rule is punishable by a good stern talking to.
  2. During labor, this is all John’s fault. No matter what.
  3. No laughing or jolly behavior during an intense contraction. I hear that is frustrating to hear while you are about to die.
  4. INSIDE VOICES!!!! No yelling while attempting to have a normal conversation. Patients and nurses frown upon this behavior.
  5. If I do anything gross, please just leave the room! Run away! (Except John! )
  6. If you notice that my nails haven’t been painted- take the initiative as my new manicurist in between contractions. I assure you-the supplies are already packed.
  7. During pushing -Everybody needs to scatter and run except John. Standing outside the door with your ear firmly pressed to the crack is fine with me.
  8. If I forget to ask for drugs -either ask for me, or remind me!
  9. No pictures when I have my hoo-haa out.
  10. I reserve the right to delete any pictures after all of this.
  11. If I’m not allowed to eat – go outside to eat or you may lose a hand. And let’s be real ya’ll – you need those hands to hold the sweet princess coming.

What happens when we go home?

Not sure.

I am super excited for John and I to be able to spend the first week together with the baby at our house. That will be a great bonding time for the three of us.

After that week I may need back up to come in! Maybe a house guest for a couple of days…I’m just not sure what the future holds in that aspect!

I’ve heard people send casseroles. This pleases me. I like any casserole without lettuce or onions! 🙂 My favorites are: Hashbrown casserole, Chicken pot pie, hamburger casserole, Chicken rice casserole, GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE WITH CHEESE ONIONS ON TOP! (The one exception to the onion rule…they taste like cheesy puffs!)

I feel like a little kid hinting as to what they want for Christmas. Don’t take it the wrong way – I’m just a hungry person in general. YUM!

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