I will release the password for this once my journey is complete.


Last week I got the call.

The call letting me know that a family had picked me to be their egg donor.

A flood of emotions hit me.

Excitement, feeling honored, curiosity, hopefulness, and love mixed in with sadness and fearfulness.

I myself, am ready for another baby.  I think the sadness and fearfulness stems from that want.  I am sad that we can’t have another immediately until a few things fall into line for us.  I am fearful that the clinic will call me back and tell me I can’t produce children anymore after Harper’s birth.  Although I am entitled to them, those are both selfish feelings.

When I put my selfish feelings aside I am overjoyed that this family could possibly achieve what they’ve been dreaming of -from one of my eggs.  I wish more than anything to know if their pregnancy is a success if we go through with the process.  But that simply is not information I am allowed access to.  Donating eggs is 100% confidential.

My first time donating was much different.  I had a totally different mind set.  The reason I chose to donate was because I never planned on having children of my own.  But since I was perfectly healthy and able to produce, why not share God’s gift with others who do want children but need help?  I now often wonder if my eggs resulted in a successful birth for the family.  I’ll never know that.  I can only hope they did.

This time around I know the love a parent feels.  I DO want more, but putting my own selfish wants aside, I really want this family of which I’ve never met (and never will meet) to know the joy and love I feel for a child of their own.  This time I plan to buy a small gift for the family to give to their case worker as my congratulations (if they conceive).  This comforts me.  I want them to know that I will think of them every day and pray that they have the family they’ve always wanted.  I want them to know that they have a special place in my heart.  I’ve heard of people writing letters to their recipients and even meeting with them, but meeting them is simply not an option.  I’m actually pretty positive that I don’t want to meet them.  I would feel crushed if my donation did not work out for them.  I assume that is a reason these things are kept confidential with the agency I use.  But I am entertaining the idea of writing them a letter.  I just don’t know what words to use.  There are so many floating around in my head.

Yesterday I drove to the clinic to have a blood workup.  Hopefully everything looks good so that we can continue on the path of producing this loving family some babies!

I will keep this password protected until the process is over.

-Bell

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