For as long as I can remember I have been picking at my nail quick skin and clipping off parts of my callus feet skin with nail clippers.  I have a condition called dermatillomania .  I assume it is a way to release anxiety.  

I can tell I’ve had anxiety problems way far back than I originally thought.  I’m pretty sure I was dealing with the dermatillomania when I was around 8-10 years old.  My grandmother noticed it once…I don’t even remember what she said to my mom about it.  I probably lied about what I’d been doing.  I wonder what they thought.  

Sometimes I go over and over and over my childhood and try to remember why I would be doing that so young- but it’s all really hazy.  The really good times are vivid, and the really bad times are vivid.  Not much in-between that, do I recall.  I think that I will carefully watch Harper to try to recognize any signs like I had.

Well there, I’m out of the closet.  Cat’s out of the bag.  Boom!

Nighty night,

Bell