Last year…

I was watching THIS on Halloween day in my bed.  CRAY.

All the years (well starting at the age of 19) before that, I spend MONTHS paroozing barely there costumes and spending WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY too much on a costume made from 1/4 a yard of fabric.

I spent the couple of days leading up to Halloween basically starving and dehydrating myself so that I would look even skinnier than I was.  How stupid was I?  I look back at those photos and wonder what the heck I was thinking….I mean not to toot my own horn, but compared to post baby now, my body was freakin’ delish.  I didn’t need to deprive myself of anything to parade around in next to nothing!   You’ll just have to take my word on it since I really can’t post those pictures for people I’ve never met around the globe to look at.

On second thought, I can put one up cropped.  A friend of mine says to put up a picture with every post….ya know because that’s what the people want.

The hipster of 2010.

They were fun times.  REALLY fun times.  I’m glad I had them, but I’m also glad they are behind me.  I lived, I had fun, I probably almost died a few times too…but those times are just over.  Maybe in  a couple of years I can get myself a semi sexy costume, but never again like the ones I used to wear.  And never to take my kid out in, or to use to replace the holiday with her either..  After all, one day, she will look at me as her example and want to do everything I do.  Lord help.

This brings me to my next thought, what happens when my daughter asked if I did certain NOTOKFORMYDAUGHTERTODO things?  Do I lie?  There are questions that I KNOW she will ask when she is a teenager.  Questions that I’m ashamed to answer…and I wonder if my truthful answer will validate her own quests for fun as being okay.  I realize this is about oh…14-16 years away…but I feel like I need that much time to prepare each and every answer so that my kid will not be doing the things I did, even if they were fun at the time!  I mean, my parents weren’t hell raisers, and I still did some STUPID STUPID STUPID (fun) things!  :p  Will I be smart enough having all my shenanigans experience to catch her before she does the stupid things?  Will it be legal to put trackers in her purse and car?  Will she pay me back for the grey hairs I’ve caused my own parents to sprout?

I guess one thing I can always say, is I’ve never been to jail.  That’s all I have right now.  Maybe I can phrase my answers like this:  “Honey, I never did anything that caused me to be taken to jail in my lifetime.”   Can I answer all of the questions like that?

Any suggestions for the next 13-15 years will be great.

I hope everyone had a great halloween!

And if you’re feeling frisky, go vote for me HERE on top baby blogs!  You can vote everyday, so don’t worry if you’ve voted before!




Happy Halloween!

Three of those pumpkins came from our patch!

Angry because I wanted to hold her up from her expedition

Angry zebra.

She’s fine now that she’s free.

Hittin’ the streets.



Eyeballing her target…

Now, pull the TARGET out of The Mommy’s head!!

18 Weeek Post (almost)

Here we are at 18 weeks already!!!  2 weeks from HALFWAY, people!!!!   That’s crazy. 

The bump:



Here is the skinny on what’s happening:
Size of the baby: He’s about the size of a pear.  Five and 1/2 inches long, and about 7 ounces.  He can move, yawn, and hiccup.  Over the next four weeks, the baby’s size will increase SIX TIMES.  WOW.

Weight gain: 10 lbs.

Gender: Boy!!!!

Movement: I feel him move almost everyday if I take the time to lay down and be still for him. 

Sleep: Terrible!  I go to bed around midnight and wake up like clock work at 4:30 needing to pee!  Then as soon as I fall back asleep, Johns alarm goes off.  The baby is up between 0830-0930.

what I miss: Naps.  My naps are hardly ever successful.

Cravings: Fried pickles, pizza, chocolate pie, pumpkin bread pudding, and orange or apple juice.

Symptoms: The nausea is gone for the most part.  Once a week it will sneak up on me FAST and I will  have to either council myself about not needing to throw up, or if we are past that phase, just go get sick, pout a few minutes, and it’s all over.  Just as quickly as it came.  Strange.  My back and hips have been KILLING ME.  My hips feel like I have been thrown out of a window while sitting Indian style so that when I hit the ground I hit with my hips and but cheeks.  They’re even sore to the touch!

Best moment this week:Getting some cute pictures of our family!  And also getting some time with a friend!

Worst moment this week:The way my hips have felt today.

That’s all folks.


If you have time, please vote for my blog on Top Baby Blogs by clicking HERE! Just hit the owl on the left, and your vote is submitted!

We do things early around here…

Which explains why we couldn’t wait to give Harper her birthday present.  I say we, because I insisted getting her wagon before Halloween, and John put it together last night while I was asleep, even though I didn’t ask him to!   😉

We think it’s a hit!

Saying hello to the neighbors in her new ride

Daddy, bring me the tiger.

She loves cats.

What? Nobody said I couldn’t have a ride in it too…

Now we are locked and loaded for Halloween!

It’s fall ya’ll…

and I sure do love Fall.

So I will dump all of these pictures on you now.

This is the day I was a redhead.

Oh my gosh……she is going to do this in a real car one day!!! AAAHHH!!!

This week I have added a healthy deadly amount of candy to our household for the millions of trick or treaters I hope to see on Wednesday!! Harper now thinks we are rich. She just gets in the bucket and throws the candy on top of herself like “I’m rich…do you guys see all this!???”

Mom, did you know we are rich?????

Ohhhh maaa gaaad!!!!

I needed to redeem myself after the great red debacle of 2012, so I met up with our friends Adrian and Mackie to take more pictures, this time with my hair back to (sort of) normal.

So I wasn’t looking up, but she’s so cute, when someone says “yay!” she claps her hands!

The girls were the most popular customers of the day!

Pictures were so fun! So glad we met up…I’ve decided we need to meet up more often and take pictures because these were so great!
Hope you’re having a good Halloween weekend!
Oh, and while you’re here, click HERE to vote for us on Top Baby blogs! Thank you in advance!


Those crazy wives…

Just seeing what the crazy wives tales have to say about baby’s gender!


According to legend, 140+ beats per minute indicates a girl, and below 140 a boy.

The heart rate was slow at our first ultrasound, and the first thing I thought, was oh that means it’s a boy right?!


Craving ice cream every single day? Some people believe this means it’s a girl. If you have to have salty or sour stuff, then it’s a boy.

Definitely craving savory stuff. Fried pickles.


This ancient method uses your age at conception and the month you did the deed to determine gender.

My Chinese calender says boy!


Legend has it that the Mayans determined a baby’s sex by looking at the mother’s age at conception and the year of conception. If both are even or odd, it’s a girl. If one’s even and one’s odd, it’s a boy.

This one meant I was having a girl…not true!


GOTS SPOTS? If you’re breaking out like crazy, blame it on your girl babe. The belief goes that girls steal their mother’s beauty, hence, those annoying zits.

My face has been fine so far, but I think my boy may be stealing my beauty too!

Pop off your wedding ring — if you still can! — and tie it to a string. Hang it over your belly. If it swings in a circle, a little guy’s in your future. If it goes back and forth, you’ve got a girl.

Mine went in a circle!

Sick as a dog during the first trimester — or still? Signs indicate you’re having a girl. Little or no morning sickness points to a boy.

I was sick, but I was no where near how I felt with Harper. BUT had I not known how bad it could be, I may say I was sick as a dog.

If you are carrying high with a big, round belly, you are having a girl. If you are carrying low with a smaller belly that sticks straight out, it’s a boy.


This tale only applies if you have had previous kids. If you have and that child’s first word was momma, you will have a girl. If your first child’s first word was dadda, you’ll have a boy. I can’t help you with this one since I have no previous kiddos.

Harper’s first word was dada!

If the pregnant woman is graceful throughout her pregnancy, she’s having a girl. If she becomes clumsy, she’s having a boy.

I’m a clutz. Big time. Do all pregnant women turn into clumsy bears?

If a pregnant woman prefers to lay on her left side, she’s having a boy. If she prefers resting on her right side, she’s having a girl. I prefer my right side lately.

I like my left side.

If the hair on your legs has been growing at record speeds, you might be having a boy.

I’m like sasquatch the day after shaving my legs.

If your hands are constantly dry, it’s a boy.

Desert dry.


What color is your pee? If it is bright yellow, you will have a little boy. If your urine is a dull yellow, plan on a girl.


If you are having headaches, you might be carrying a boy.

I had headaches early on. I associated them with eating too many hot dogs….but maybe not!


Well as you can see, almost all of my wives tales say boy!

Anyone else have an overwhelming result to their tales?



I know it’s not Thanksgiving but I am so thankful

  • To have John.
  • To maintain our humor together.
  • To be expecting another baby.
  • To have the happiest and sweetest baby in the world.
  • To have a home that we are proud of, and love.
  • To have trustworthy, genuinely nice, thoughtful, and of course cat loving neighbors.  We hit the jackpot.
  • To have friends that will not judge me by the things I tell them.
  • To have family that consistently goes above and beyond anything we could ever expect.
  • To have a job one day of the week, where I can bring Harper, so that I can pay my bills without putting her in daycare.
  • That John works 40 hours a week to support us.
  • To have people around that can understand my emotional well being.

Those aren’t even a fraction of the things I have to be thankful for.  Just things that have been on my mind recently.

What are you thankful for?




Best thing I’ve ever eaten:

Rum pumpkin bread pudding. OH.MY.GOSH.

I used regular bakery bread from publix as my bread cubes.

Here’s the recipe link:


AND I don’t like rum.  BUT I got John to soak the raisins and drain them, because I feared I may throw up at the smell of it.  And the sauce was SO good on the pudding, I didn’t care for it alone just because I detected the rum taste.  But don’t skip it!




This is where we live

And that’s a baby on the doorstep.  When she’s older, we can tell her that is where the stork left her.

Take 2

I’m so excited to take her around the neighborhood in her costumes, because our neighbors love Halloween! Everyone decorates!

Hope you’re doing something fun for the fall holidays!


click HERE to vote for us on top baby blogs!

She’s getting it!!!

FINALLY ( I say finally like I’ve been trying for a year to discipline Harper-I’ve really only been doing it a couple of weeks), she is showing me she gets it. She now knows no. thats a mouthful. I had been having issues with her getting into stuff she shouldn’t. My top 3 are running crawling REALLY fast towards the baby gate when she knows its open and then crawling out of it, trying to touch our hot plates of dinner, and touching the plunger. EWW!!! Yesterday, I saw the opportunity. I’d left the gate open again, her gate radar went off and she bolted towards it. She reached out to swing the door open and I said NO in my meanest voice ever. She looked at me, pulled away and briefly stopped. Then….she opened it! I walked over to her and smacked her leg with my fingertips so as just to startle her more than hurt her…because I REALLY don’t want to do spanking. Like really. When I smacked her leg she flung herself on the floor, flailed, screamed and cried real tears. :(. Then after a few seconds she turned the Emmy award process off, and went back to the gate. She would look at me, then the gate, me, the gate. She was pushing me. She’s reach acting like she was about to open it, but would stop an inch before actually touching it. It’s going to be hard not to laugh at her when I’m teaching her the word no. Because she really does know it. And tries to see how far I will let her go. We haven’t had to do anymore smacking after that one time, I’ve switched over to removing her from what she’s wanting, then sitting her down facing the opposite direction of said wanted item. Where she flails and all that jazz for 20 seconds. Here’s a video of our practice today:
I must mention that I forgot I left that lid on the ottoman, went to go tinkle, and came back to it shoved in the back of her mouth. :::sigh:::

One day at a time.

Click HERE to vote for us on top baby blogs!


Old lady syndrome

The day started off great. I was up at 8 studying for my exam, then went to get gas. At the gas station a man let me know that I have “a rock n roll booty.”…..Well bless your kind heart for thinking that. I gave him a THANK YOU! Because being real with myself, that will be the last booty compliment I’ll receive from a stranger in a very long time. I’ll take it.


I ate lunch with my thoughtful mother n law and her sister (both of which are beautiful). I just call Ann my aunt, is that strange? It’s awkward to say aunt in law? Is that a term? I’ll go with she’s my aunt. They had a blast feeding Harper as much food as she could hold! It was fun!


I went home, put the baby down for her nap, and then an hour later….I WENT INTO POLAR BEAR MODE.

A nice 30 minute DEEP sleep. The kind you wake up from completely confused and don’t know what the heck is going on. That kind of sleep. I pray for that type of sleep everyday.

I frantically contacted the babysitter once I realized that my favorite band was playing in my own city tonight! 3oh!3 !!!! I know I Know… “Bell, that doesn’t really seem like your type of thing…” BUT IT IS!!! Apparently nobody else over the age of 25 thinks that. We got there and we may have well have been chaperones. It was an all age show, that should tell you all you need to know.

Common phrases of the night:

  1. Are those fish net stockings again!?
  2. They have to be gay right?
  3. Where are theses children’s mothers!?!?
  4. I can see that girls butt cheeks her skirt is so short!
  5. They’re on something.
  6. Really, do you think she’s over 13????
  7. I have to pee.
  8. I have to pee again.
  9. I am about to pee my pants again.
  10. I better not sneeze, cuz I’ll pee!!!!!

As you may deduct, MY daughter better not ever go to places like this!!! And if she REALLY wants to, I will go watch her like a hawk. And if she’s of driving age, maybe I can get a few cocktails while I spectate.

After people watching for 3 hours, my band came on. They were good, like they always are. They remind me of some of my fondest memories of birthdays and trips to Atlanta, and I started to feel that again as I heard their vulgar words. Midway though the concert I realized I was pregnant. Shocker. My feet felt bruised, my knees were getting creaky, and my hip was KILLING me. I was going downhill fast. John found me a couch to sit on thank goodness! I heard my favorite song come on, and we came in to see that last song and leave. Somehow it was actually their last song for the night! Perfect timing!

Now I am home, hungry since I threw up a few times after getting here… Isn’t that some crap, ladies? I didn’t drink a drop, but I am throwing up, have a headache, the munchies…without drinking.

I’ll accept it, I’m old. I can no longer do concerts that require me to stand for 5 hours, dance, jump, wave, and sing back. I need the sit down concerts from now on. Sigh…

Maybe I can keep from breaking my hip at a birthday party tomorrow.

Hope you’re feeling younger than me!



vote for us on top baby blogs by clicking here!

What to do…

We have an issue.


Rather, Harper and I have an issue.

She likes to do fun things.

I like to stop her from doing fun things. Ya know, like eating the trash, licking the remote, beating on the table in public, trying to play with expensive statues in others homes. Sounds fun huh?

I’ve been perplexed on how to approach her. I’m not so sure spanking is the route I’m ready for right now. And I don’t even know if she would understand it.

Here’s what I’ve tried so far:

  • Holding her hands down when she beats the table. Then she screams like a banchee and we have to leave the restaurant.
  • Telling her no and redirecting her attention. She goes right back to what she wasn’t supposed to be doing.
  • I’ve tried telling her NO firmly in addition to smacking her hand. Yea that worked really well…she looked at me, giggled, and hit me back thinking it was a game.
  • I’ve tried putting her in her crib, but that’s for sleep and she knows it, so she goes to sleep…at the wrong times of day, screwing up the nap schedule!
  • I even let her experiment with the stairs she always screams to get to. (there’s 3 of them total) and she toppled down 2. I thought maybe that was a lesson, but after seeing her go right back to what she was doing, I doubt it.

Any suggestions? Is she just too young to understand discipline? She’s not a bad baby, in fact, she is the happiest baby in the world. She just gets into things that could be dangerous to her, or could be dangerous to our electronics!

Maybe just strap a helmet and knee pads on the kid and let her go?

AND if she’s this clumsy now……..what kind of driver will she be? O_O

Help will be appreciated.



If you have time, head on over to Top Baby Blogs to vote for me. Just click HERE, and your vote will be submitted after clicking the left owl! Hooty hoo!



A week in passing

Since I can’t recall posting about our previous week, here’s a little recap. We went to the Pizza Hut buffet. I know…….I need to stop. But look at Harper! She’s having fun! She’s all like “praise Jesus!!!! Pizza!!!!”





Then she fell into a pizza coma with fake Tom on the ride home.





Later that night, we practiced some gymnastics.




Then we redecorated our sink fixtures with a baby.





Then she fell asleep for the night with fake Tom. He is her best friend. He is officially her lovey.


I hope last week was good for everyone else!!


And brewing…
Sometimes roasting…
There’s for sure something in there.


Not MUCH has changed since last week except WE know the gender of baby 2.0!!!!! But we aren’t telling. Yet:)
We (Mckenzie miller films) are working on something extra special for a of our family and friends to show the big reveal!

Ill update my friends near and far on here when Mckenzie has the video completed for us!

Til then,

15 week post

Because I’m too impatient for a 16 week post.

Here’s the baby yawning:



Here’s the bump growing:


(courtesy of an awesome etsy seller I found,  )

Here is the skinny on what’s happening:
Size of the baby: 4 inches and 2.5 ounces. The size of a naval orange. I didn’t take a picture of one this time. The grocers always look at me strange when I do, anyways.

Weight gain: 7 lbs.

Gender: Touchy subject. I was hoping to find out Monday. Baby had other plans. SO I am going to a local ultrasound college to be their guinea pig, and maybe their instructor will see the goods! One can hope.

Movement: The past few days, I’ve been sure of movement. The past 2 weeks I THOUGHT I felt it, but wasn’t sure. Now I’m sure.

Sleep: I can get to sleep around midnight or 1am and sleep until John wakes up between 6-7. Then I usually stay in sleep limbo until 9 when Harper lets me know I need to get up. It’s been SO HARD the last few weeks to get out of bed. I feel like I could sleep until 2pm if nobody was here! Even if I manage to get 8 hours of sleep. Naps are usually out of the question, I lay in peace for Harper’s nap everyday hoping I will fall into nap mode. Once a week, I actually do fall into nap mode…which is HARDCORE NAPPING. Deep sleep. Crazy sleep. And it’s short, but IT’S GOOD.

what I miss: I miss being able to sneeze without the worry of giving myself a golden shower.

Cravings: Gummy bears, reece’s pumpkins, sushi, spaghetti and meatsauce, beefaroni, oatmeal with chopped apples, egg noodles.

Symptoms: Well I thought the nauseated days were behind me, but this weekend I threw up and felt green for the most part. Today has been fine though. So maybe it was a freak occurrence. I’m tired. Really tired. Extreme forgetfulness. Time warp syndrome. Ya know, where you have no idea where your week went, why you didn’t talk to anyone, you know you went places but don’t remember any of the travels.

Best moment this week: Buying my one single yearly purchase from Anthropologie. A scarf. It’s amazeballs.

Worst moment this week: Being told the ultrasound tech couldn’t see the gender! :*(

That’s all folks.


If you have time, please vote for my blog on Top Baby Blogs by clicking HERE! Just hit the owl on the left, and your vote is submitted!

The one upper

We all have them in our lives.

Or at least stumble across one every now and again.

The one uppers.

Ya know:

“Oh really? Your birth story was scary? Well I just sneezed and my baby just came out during labor, breached, and already speaking full sentences.”


1. one upper
September 7, 2009 Urban Word of the Day
An annoying person who responds to hearing someone else’s experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic (or terrible) outcome.
Person: I got to meet James Hetfield before the concert and I got his autograph.
One Upper: Yeah, well my cousin knows the head of security for Metallica, and he got us front row tickets to the show and then we went backstage and met the whole group. Then they invited us back to their hotel room and we partied with them all night.Person: I have a a dislocated knee.
One Upper: Yeah, well last summer I broke my leg in four places and had to have a steel pin inserted. I also had to have surgery done on my knee to repair the torn ligaments. I was on crutches for almost two months.
2. one upper
A person who always has a better story. If you killed six goats, he or she killed 23. Most of the time they will get angry because you told a story about ONLY killing 6 goats.
Person 1: Wow, this is a nice view. How much land do you own?Person 2: Umm, I think about 69 acres.Person 3(One upper): YOU own 69 acres!?!?!?! MY UNCLE OWNS 178!!

It’s hard to ignore One Uppers because you know that they’re either making that sh#t up, or they were planted in your life to make you feel like you’re just not good enough in whatever way.

Do you know a One Upper?

Have you been one? I’m sure I have been there done that. I just didn’t write it down, but I’ll bet whoever I tried to one up wrote it down, just as I’m doing now. 🙂 But whatever, they probably only wrote it once, and I’m writing it twice.

I try to take this mental approach with One Uppers:

  • Tell myself (inside my head, not outside, that’s important) that there are just a few facts from this story that are missing.
  • I just let them have this as their internal victory, because I don’t want to be in a one upping war. I’m not that desperate for them to think that I am better than or equal to them. If they need that for their life to be complete, they can have it.
  • I also have to keep in mind that maybe he or she didn’t mean it that way. Maybe they just got excited to tell me their experience and it just happened to be much greater, bigger, and better than my own. Maybe they had no idea they were being a One Upper.
  • Let it go. Although, keep note that it happened. If it happens over and over again, it’s probably going to be an issue you don’t want to deal with. If they one up you a certain amount of times, just let them pass away from your contact with ease, and find someone else who will stand with you, not above you.

I can look back on the routine one uppers in my life and see that they just NEED that extra something to make them feel better about themselves. There’s always something missing in their life. They magically forget all the bad times they’ve ever had, so that they don’t have to discuss any part of their troubles with me, so as not to appear on the same level as me possibly? I’d respect one uppers more if they would say “hey, I’ve had times like that and they sucked, but this is what helped me out, and maybe it can help you too.” or “I’ve never dealt with that specifically, but I did have issues with XYZ that you could probably relate to since they’re similar.”

I’m going to try to make more of a conscious effort to not be a one upper. I’m going to keep my eyes out for people that are consistently this way towards me and back up.

I must add, that since this post is so nonspecific, I know that half of my world I know will question whether it is them I have posted about. It’s not specifically about you. Whoever you are. I was simply watching my daily trash of Real Housewives, and watched a One Upper train wreck that I can relate to my own life. I relate it to MANY people. People I’ve known for years, family, people I’ve met for 3 minutes, and people that I don’t personally know other than this blogging community. I’ve been told more times than I can count that my blogging is so unspecific and open ended that someone will undoubtedly pick it up and read their name written across every complaint I’ve ever written about. Ever. It’s going to happen, and I’ve just accepted it. This place is my therapy. It’s my release. I have other blogs that have the specific dirty details of my life and the people in it, but I choose to stay a ghost on those blogs. They are for my unloading only. My specific unloadings.

I hope you liked this unloading.

Thanks for this also:

And while you’re here, why don’t you one up all my friends and VOTE 2 days in a row for my blog! Just click the owl on the left ya’ll!



What to expect when he’s expecting

I recently had the pleasure of chatting up an elusive Daddy Blogger Kenny, from Dadguide.  ! I really LOVE daddy bloggers because they seem so connected with their wives and bumps! It makes me excited to see that they are excited enough to share their joy (and pain) with the world! I know that several men don’t feel connected with the baby until it actually arrives, which I can understand to a point. They don’t FEEL the signs of pregnancy a woman does. They don’t pee their pants when they sneeze or feel sweet baby moving around at first. It’s just a different side that intrigues me!

Of course I had to shower him with questions about his thoughts on pregnancy and what is to come. (dun dun dun)  Be prepared folks, he’s funny.  I like it.
Here are the things I sent his way:

Are there any baby items that you or your wife are obsessed with yet? (Mine was toboggans from etsy. I bought so many, I would hide them from John when they came!)

No items in particular. However, she has become addicted to garage sales. It started off as a great way to save money, but it’s gotten to the point where she no longer knows what she’s looking for, she’s just a hound for all baby crap. Shopping of any kind is more painful than taking a roundhouse to the face, and garage saleing is the worst form of shopping. I hope to God this phase ends soon.

What do you think the birth will really be like?

Since I’ve never been present at a birth (is it a bad sign that I hate the word “birth?”), I’m just envisioning a lot of screaming (mostly at me). My wife also has freakish strength for a small woman, so I’m guessing I’ll leave the delivery room with a broken hand.

I’m a youth soccer coach and a huge fan of battle movie speeches, so I’m guessing I’ll try to give her pump up speeches throughout the process. This will inevitably make her enraged, and I might be kicked out of the room.

What do you need in YOUR hospital bag to survive the stay?

Great question. Assuming these are only my personal items (not my wife’s), my survival bag will include:

· Starbursts (I still eat candy like I’m 9, especially when I’m stressed)
· The best book I’ve read on being a dad, “Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads” Not only is it informative, but it’s clearly written by a guy who is still awesome. It’s hilarious, and puts things in a language I can understand.
· Some kind of an “I’m a proud papa” t-shirt. I’m going to talk up my little guy to whoever will listen, so a shirt like this will probably allow them to broach the topic. Or it will at least warn strangers that I’m going to show them photos of my little man.
· Camera. I plan to document the entire experience.
· I’ve already found that pregnancy and babies tends to immasculate, so I might need some flannel, a football, and access to a radio so I can listen to sports talk radio (The Dan Patrick Show is my the greatest man show every made)

Have you been bringing home strange foods for the wife yet?

· Her strangest craving has been her returned love for Totino’s Party Pizzas. She hadn’t eaten them in years, and now, bringing home a party pizza makes me the most popular man on earth.

Has she tried to stab you yet?

· Strangely, she hasn’t gotten overly frustrated with me (yet). The only personality trait that has been unpredictable is her inability to multi-task or think with any clarity at all. She’s spacey as hell, and it’s hilarious. So while she hasn’t tried to stab me, she has accidently almost killed me with her poor driving, and almost burning the house down.

Did you deserve it?

· When she does try to stab me, yes, I’ll probably deserve it.

Imagine yourself pregnant. What do you think you would be like if:

you couldn’t see your own junk?

· Terrifying. I like to keep close tabs on what’s going on down there.

you couldn’t clip your toenails? (I couldn’t really come up with something that men routinely have to reach their lower extremities for lol!!)

· Kind of awesome, I’ve always wanted caveman feet. Having an excuse not to mess with my own feet would be swell.

you couldn’t have a beer w your buddies while you watch the big game?

· Giving up beer wouldn’t be the hardest vice to break. Coffee, excess candy, and playing sports would be the hardest things to give up. Don’t get me wrong, football + buddies + beer is always a great time, but I could go with just football and buddies

However, my wife has had to endure 2 bachelorette parties where she was the only sober person, and I can’t imagine having to endure that kind of a train wreck sober. Being the only sober one in the bunch, that would suck…hard.

your friends and family made you want to hurl? (ya know, because they always cook that ONE thing that smells like ass…..or they have burping and farting contests during halftime…whatever!)

· I love broccoli, and I’ve had to stop cooking it around her for this very reason. My wife is nicer than I am, if somebody was cooking crap that made me want to puke, I’d tell them to get the F out if they ever wanted to see the baby.

you gained 20lbs in 4 months?

· You haven’t met me face to face, but I’ll go ahead and say with confidence that I’m the skinniest person you’ve ever met. I have the metabolism of a freaking hummingbird, and I’ve never been able to put on weight. I’ve always wondered what I would look like if I wasn’t freakishly skinny, so I would be all about the weight gain.

-What do you think your top 3 cravings would be to get your ass to a monumental size?

· Tapioca pudding
· Chimichangas
· Starbursts (I can’t stress enough how much I love candy)

-Would you REALLY avoid those “dangerous” foods? (Deli meat, yogurt, fish, sushi, eggs over easy, artificial sweeteners, canned foods)

· I’ve been stressed about having a healthy baby from day one. So I think my fears about having an unhealthy kid would outweigh my cravings. So I think I could do it.

Now onto the new baby…I’m using blue for my side notes since Daddy blogger is having a BOY!!!!  

1. How many diapers do you think you’ll use a week?

· I’m guessing more than 7.  We found ourselves using 10-12 A DAY.  Nuts.  So that’s about 100$ a month in diapers if you are using disposables!  

2. Have you made a “panic word” to scream when you’re kid exorcist style vomits on you, the chair your sitting in, and the ceiling? (I personally like “code papaya”!!!!!)

· I love Die Hard, I’m going with “Yippie Kay Ay!”  That’s good.  I like it.  There just needs to be a safe word…one that conveys that you just held Mount Helena and and it erupted.

3. What’s the best way to cut a baby’s finger nails?

· Absolutely no idea. Is that bad?

They actually just tear off.  Sounds scary, but they tear off right where they should.  They’re so thin…like paper!  

4. When you go shopping with a newborn where do you put him in the cart?

· The fact that I know none of these answers is becoming alarming.

This was the most disturbing shopping account I’d had right after having Harper.  I tried to put in the little compartment up top………but……..uh…… way.  Doesn’t fit.  Did I DREAM that people put the car seats up here?  Entirely possible.  Well I hope you’re not shopping for anything big, because until he can sit on his own, baby boy has to go in the actual cart part!   Even typing this 10 months after having a baby, I’m appalled that nobody told me this.

5. What will you keep in your car (at all times) as your emergency baby kit?

· Until I know what’s necessary, the Subaru will be filled the brim with stuff.

I used to pack mine with EVERYTHING.  I figured out all I need to put in my seat caddy is: a few diapers, travel wipes, extra paci, extra outfit, and we are good.  

6. Are you going to do some sort of schedule when he arrives? (like we take turns changing and feeding, or you feed and change from 9p-1a and I take it from 1a-6a)

· I’ve already come to grips that my wife will control me like her own personal robot until we get through the early “no sleeping” period. She went through the hard part, I’m game to be super-dad for as long as she needs.

You’re a good man.

7. What do you know about breastfeeding?

· It’s shocking how little I know about breast feeding.

Here are some things I would like men to know about it:  It sucks sometimes.  It’s HARD.  It’s emotional.  Always have encouraging words…never mention formula if you don’t think that is an option yet.  Formula was the F word in our home.  I would FLIP OUT when John would say “maybe we just need to give her some formula if she’s not as big as she should be”………that translated to me “well you’re a big fat failure and your boobs are good for nothing, you’re probably starving our daughter with your nasty bad milk.”  I know, I’m crazy.  But it really bothered me to feel like I wasn’t doing everything I could.  And I was makin’ milk like a dairy cow.  Enough for twins.

Other than that info, offer nipple cream, nipple shields, or soothies whenever ya can!  And I’ll tell ya a little secret….you’ll get back to the good stuff in the bedroom if you clean the bottles and pumping supplies often 🙂  

8. What do you want to know about breastfeeding?

· Since I’m sure I’ll do most of the cooking early on, I’d love to know what my wife needs to eat to make sure she and the little man are getting everything that they need. Other than that, I’m on a need to know basis.

Milk is the only thing I had to stay away from, because it gives baby gas.  Other than that, I ate like a fat kid.