- If I wash this baby’s head, he won’t smell like baby anymore.
- If I take him out of his carseat in public, a ninja baby snatcher will appear and steal him from me.
- That his runny right eye is not from a “clogged tear duct” as the doctor told me, but it’s really from his first day home, when he peed in his own eye.
- I suffer from shower schizophrenia. I hear baby cries the entire shower. Nobody is crying in the house.
- The baby doesn’t care much for me when I take a shower and wash the “boob smell” off.
These things are all true and legit.
They just are.