15 Months


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Dear Harper,

You are now 15 months old!!!  In 3 more months, you’ll be a year and a half old!  That’s crazy.

I felt like I needed to post on what you’re up to now, because you have changed SO much since your first birthday, there’s no way I could remember it all if you keep it at this rate!

This year you were old enough to have some real Valentine’s day fun with us!  Last year, you were too tiny to do anything but cuddle with us, which was great.  This year, you set up your very own kissing booth and wore your great grandmother’s necklace to bring in the big bucks!

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You also made this sweet card for The Daddy:

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This is also the month you started TO WALK!!!  You look like a drunk guy when you walk around, but you’re so cute nobody cares if you look like a drunk.

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You’ve also really stepped up your boogie moves the last 3 months.  When you hear the music start to play, you high tail it to your stage AKA our ottoman, climb on top, and shake it!!  You’ve even started to stand on it and dance this week.  While I find it a little scary and have tiny strokes every single day, you LOVE it.  You even think it’s funny to fall off the ottoman, so funny, that you do it on purpose now.  Maybe we will get you a helmet for your 1.5 year birthday.

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You are an active participant in peek a boo.

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And we got you (and daddy) a new puppy this month.  You were really excited about him the first couple of days, but I think you’re a little hesitant that he is taking away your attention now, so you just ignore him if you can.  Sometimes you can’t because he’s all up in your biz.

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You are also getting acquainted with your very own potty!  You tinkle in it about 8-10 times a day, and after I tell you “YAY YOU PEE PEE AGAIN!” you will clap and say YYYAAAAAYYYY!!!!!  I hope you keep the good work up because it’s really saving a lot of diapers and wipes!

Potty training is also where you learned how to HUG ME!  When I stand you up to put your pants back on, you throw your arms around me and lean in as hard as you can, it’s probably the sweetest thing ever.  It’s even sweeter if you’re not getting off the potty!  🙂

Here are some NEW things that you say to us now:

  • Good girl!!!
  • Yay!!!!!
  • Bah bah bah bah baaaahhhhhh (this means bite.  it means feed me lady, stop eating all the food in front of my face ya pregnant bison!!)
  • Thank you.  (This JUST happened!)
  • Noooooooooooooooooohhhhh!!!  We really encourage this one.  Which is strange because usually parents aren’t excited to hear their kids say NO, but your noooohhh is so cute, we just have to repeat it every time you say it!
  • Ay yay yay! (as you slam your palms to your forehead to show your frustration)
  • AND YOU STARTED SAYING MAMA AGAIN!!!!   You forgot MAMA for several months!  I was starting to wonder if you’d ever start saying it again, but no worries, I’M BACK IN THE GAME!!

I can’t say it enough, no matter how bad my day was or what went wrong, you will always make me smile every day!  You’re such a sweet personality and you even know if I’m feeling sad, you will come and sit in my lap to make me feel better.  You really are such a good girl!!

XOXO

The Mommy

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Crack really is whack.


Two nights ago we went to bed.

I hear sad little coughs for a long time coming from Harper’s room, it made me sad.

So I go get here and decide she’s sleeping with the Mommy and the Daddy tonight!

She goes to sleep pretty immediately

Fast forward to 3:45am.

I don’t know what woke me up it was either her crying or John asking me “where is the baby at?!?!?!?!”

What the F do you mean where is the baby, I feel around the bed starting to freak out.  WHERE THE F IS THE BABY????

Then I go check the side of my bed thinking I’d pushed her off somehow.  No baby.

The situation escalates.

John informs me that she is UNDERNEATH THE FREAKING BED.

Lights come on and it’s confirmed, she is indeed under the bed crying.

Then we realize we don’t know how to get to her and get her out.

Finally we shimmy her out, almost knocking a table lamp over in the process, laid her back down, and she was fine.

Apparently when she went to bed with us, she smooshed herself against our headboard, fell asleep, turned into the consistency of mashed potatoes, and slid through the crack of the head board!!!!!

I get it.  Only put kids in sleeping areas approved for them to be in.  Lesson learned.

But seriously, look at the crack she feel through!!!

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I had to give you the hand to compare said crack to!

Is she part slug?

She looked super tired the whole next day and I kept saying “I’m sorry kitty, you’re tired because Mommy and Daddy put you under the bed to sleep”!!

FUNNY STUFF.

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XOXO

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We survived the storm


Here’s a quick update on our last weekend:

Harper and I both had “sinus infections”. What a coincidence huh? The doctors think so.

My doctor already knows I’m a bajillion months pregnant, so she just called me in a z-pak, since that’s the only thing they’ll do for a pregnant other than putting me out to pasture.

Harper’s doctor, or lack there of (not because she sucks, but because she was out of the office the 2 days I called), would NOT call in anything for her. I explained that I was almost unable to even fit in my nissan cube, I explained that I was also sick, I explained that this kid HATES the doctors office. I think I even joked that it might make my water break to endure all the stress it would take to bring her to the office. They wouldn’t do it! I go in, it sucked, they told me to “just keep doing what you’re already doing”. For real???? We are BOTH still snot faces and cough allllll night long. It’s sad. My cough is more like an “I have emphysema cough” though.

Here’s our day at the doctor:

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To the right: GIANT tear.

 

 

 

THEN the next day I started to HURT.

I’ve had contractions the last month or so, but these hurt! Like someone was stabbing me. So I went in, and of course they could see them on the monitors. Clear as day. What wasn’t clear is why they admitted me to the hospital since my cervix wasn’t changing (making me ineligible to have a baby). We did this 2 weeks ago. AND they didn’t even re check my cervix at the hospital to see if I had changed! FRUSTRATING!!

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We went home the next morning (saturday). I feel like I ruin all of our weekends!

Today this sweet mark appeared from the aftermath of my IV.

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So we are home and acting as normal again. I’m just frustrated! I don’t like to be told “we would deliver you if you were 38 weeks”…well that’s great, I’M NOT. Quit dangling the carrot in front of the bunny rabbit.

Sorry to moan and groan. I felt like I dropped off of the wordpress map for a couple of weeks because of the snot/contraction storm of 2013.

Here’s a good thing I’ll share instead of being ALL negative: Go buy already made butter crossaints, cut in half, add red sauce, cheese, and pepperoni. Bake at 350 until the cheese melts, then broil for a couple of minutes to toast top. AMAZING.

XOXO

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Every week…


We will see the doctor. It’s the once a week appointment time! For some reason I was looking forward to this earlier in the pregnancy. I have NO idea why.

I think I’d forgotton what the last month of visits were like with Harper.

I would put on real pants, show up for the appointment, and leave crying.

These were the standard phrases used in that last month:

  1. Your body hasn’t changed any.
  2. Oh you’re miserable, well that’s just a part of being pregnant.
  3. We’ll see you back next week.
  4. You probably won’t have anymore ultrasounds, you’ll just see what the baby looks like when she comes.
  5. You need to be pregnant until 40 weeks.
  6. Looks like you’re just a “contractor” and you’ll just have contractions up until your water breaks in a month.

Number 6 ticks me off the most. Like “oh you’re body is just stupid and you’re going to feel like garbage for another month”….GREAT.

This week I saw a new doctor, since mine was out of the office. He informed me that even though I was told the baby could come on the 29th, that my doctor would be out of town and would not schedule us for birth until she got back, ON APRIL FIRST.

After pouting for a little while, I thought “well that’s sort of neat, he will be an April baby like me and share my diamond birth stone!”. Then, I realized April 1st is freakin’ April fools day! UGH.

I’m not hating on people that have it for a birthday, but it’s just not what I had in mind. I REALLY want a St. Patricks day baby!!!!! REALLY BAD. Like the day before I’m going to do 100 jumping jacks, eat spicy food, and drink the cervix tea. The other two dates that would be cool are John’s birthday or his grandfather’s birthday, they’re all within a few days of St. Patricks too!

Clearly I just don’t want to wait another month, I want to wait 2 weeks. Apparently you can’t decide when babies will come, Harper taught me that.

I’ll probably be pregnant in June still. But let’s hope not.

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XOXO

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Just another way to get CPS called…


The other day I was at the pharmacy buying a plethera of cold meds to nurse my slow death sinus infection.  Harper has a snot face too, so even though they call whatever I have a sinus infection, I wonder otherwise, but I’m not a doctor.  Then I spotted a potty.   Impulse buy.

She has been handing me diapers when she needs to be changed, and just started to walk, so I thought I would at least bring it home and see if there was a learning opportunity heading my way.   I sat her on it, AND SHE PEED.  She’s done it several other times this week too!  I keep saying “that was probably an accident”, but maybe it’s not, and maybe she is learning!   She doesn’t hate it, so that’s good.  If she’s not ready, I can just put it up and bring it back out later, no big deal.

These are the shots she’s going to hate me for, but I think she’s extra cute on the toilet.  She’s just a little person!!!
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ANYWAYS, yesterday I had fed her and decided I needed to iron a few of John’s shirts, so I put on the mickey mouse club and went in the neighboring room to iron.  I hear the screams of death within 2 minutes.  I hurdle 2 baby gates (the way our house is set up we have to have 2 gates at the top of our stairs because that’s what separates our rooms.)

I SEE THIS:

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And like any good parent I RAN back into the other room and grabbed my phone to take a picture.

It was really funny.

Then I realized that it wouldn’t fit back over her top OR her bottom.

HOW DID SHE GET IN THERE?!!??!

I try to shimmy it down her waist.  No way.

So then I try to go up with it and she acts like I’m killing her.

Then I start to panic a little.  What do you do when your kid gets stuck in a toilet???

Do I have to go to the fire department to borrow their jaws of life??????  Call 911 and ask them to bring butter to grease her up???

Will they report me??  Have case workers visit us monthly to make sure she’s not stuck in the ceiling fan?

I finally figure out if I collapse her arm/shoulder a little, the rest should come out.  It was like delivering a baby.  So, maybe I am a doctor now.

Just send me a message if you need help birthing your kid from a toilet.

 

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XOXO

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Wantings and learnings


Things I want for our daughter:

  • To always feel like she can come to her parents for advice or help, even when she’s screwed up.
  • For her to feel like she has a best friend in her brother.
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  • For her to feel like I am her best friend when she gets into her late teens, and I get to be cool again.
  • For her to WANT to be around her parents.
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  • For her to feel like she has a good relationship model to follow.
  • For her to pick up on only John and I’s good traits like: genuinely loving people in the world, thoughtfulness, intelligence, the love of a close family, and our humor to an extent. 🙂
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    See, look at how thoughtful it was for her to write up this birthday letter to her Uncle Colten?!

  • For her to establish her own favorite traditions with us and to always have them to look back at fondly.
  • For her to see the closeness of a family first hand.
  • For her to have true, long-lasting friends, and have the ability to drop the ones who aren’t in her best interest.
  • To be confident.
  • To know that she should help people, even if there is no return for her.
  • To not use or witness aggressive language. I don’t mean, “let’s not curse around the baby”, what I mean is that she doesn’t need to be exposed to hostile or inappropriate conversations. I don’t want to raise a child that we are comfortable telling to “shut up”. I know others do it, and it doesn’t screw their kids up, but in the last year I have thought long and hard on that phrase, and how much I don’t want it to ever be used towards her. It’s so hostile, if my parents talked that way to me, I would have some major issues right now. Especially if they were to ever curse AT me. If I were a child being cursed at, I would probably think my parents didn’t love me if they were that angry. When I witness other kids being put in situations like that, it hurts MY feelings (empathy big time)!

Things I’ve already learned from our Daughter:

  • That I really DO have patience. It may have never been prominent in my life before, and may not be evident in tasks that don’t involve her, but I have learned a level of patience that only a mother has.
  • That I mean a lot to her, if she ever thinks I am hurt or sad (even though she’s 14 months old) she will come sit in my lap or cry if she thinks I’m in danger.
  • To be confident. I’ve been shown OVER AND OVER AND OVER again that if I just listen to my own instincts, things will get better. People are always there to question why I do certain things with her, why I didn’t do certain things with her, or people that will just let me know I don’t do enough for her. I’ve learned to just say “well, this is how we do it, and that’s how it’s going to be.” She wouldn’t be the kind of perfect she is today without some of the decisions I’ve made.
  • To preserver. Whether it be breast feeding, cloth diapering, helping her be physically active, I have learned that if I just stick with it, good things will come of it. It doesn’t matter if anyone else is backing me up either, I can do it. She will help me.
  • Extreme empathy. I’ve always shared the feelings of others. It could be my family, friends, or a total stranger. You cry, I cry is the motto I believe. A whole new level appears with your own child. The only true times I’ve ever felt like my heart was being broken was when she was in pain. It’s a feeling I can only describe as someone ripping your heart out. No break up compares to it. I share it with her, I cry with her, I hurt with her.

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What are some things you want for your kids?

XOXO

Bell

 

The day I wanted to shake a grown woman.


I know I whine about being pregnant and even about being a parent in general. I can see how it would rub some people the wrong way, I really do. I feel like I keep it to a low level “I love my kid, but she’s really pushing my buttons today”. I think that’s okay. It’s what I feel sometimes. Not all of the times. I never wish she wasn’t here, I don’t feel like I take granted for what I have with her, or with our new one. It’s nice to vent.

That being said, and knowing I’m tolerant to other’s whining about their pregnancy/children, don’t over do it, people.

Today, as I sat in a salon, I overheard a lady complaining to the extent that I thought to myself “why don’t you just give your kids to someone who wants them”?!??! It was that bad. I’m not sure I’ve ever found myself in front of a regular looking mother thinking that.

First of all, it’s clear I’m pregnant. Even men will ask about the baby. When men inquire about the bump, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU’RE PREGNANT.

Secondly, I sat in the chair next to the lady, so if she didn’t get a glimpse of my body blocking sunlight from the front window of the salon, she can see it now.

THIRD, my stylist made a comment about my pregnancy. So there it is, verbally confirmed that I am indeed, with child.

About 30 seconds into my sitting, the girl who is getting styled next to me starts to tell her stylist about her 2 children. (Picture a medium/high class looking lady with s wedding band on about to pay for a pricy hair coloring)

  • “If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t have had a second because they’re terrible!!!!”
  • “I should’ve learned with my first.”
  • “They just scream ALL the time, I figured out after 3 months that they were just testing me.”
  • “Nobody tells you how much they cry ALL THE TIME”
  • “She just never wanted to latch on because she was stubborn and wanted more attention”
  • “I thought about having another but then the second would have middle child syndrome and I really can’t deal with that, they just think it’s ALL about them, marsha marsha marsha!!!!”
  • “I CAN SEE WHY PEOPLE TEND TO SHAKE BABIES AROUND 3-4 MONTHS OLD”

WHAT THE F?

(That’s only half of what she said because my pregnancy brain has kicked in)

Thoughts running through my head:

  • “Should I just go shake HER…RIGHT NOW?”
  • “Is she specifically talking about this because she saw I was pregnant?”
  • “There’s no way she knows if it’s even my first baby!!!”
  • “Where are her kids now?!”

Shortly after the 3 minute bashing of her babies, my stylist came back with my hair color and asked if this was my first baby. I just responded loudly with “No it’s not my first, but if it were, I would be scared to death after listening to these girls next to me!!”

Maybe I’m being overly judgmental. Maybe she was in a bad place and is normally a good person. I have bad days too. I have days that I will turn on a movie for Harper and go lay down because she’s just been overwhelming…but even in my most desperate, frustrated, sad times I’ve never ever ever ever ever thought about hurting her! EVER. I certainly would never joke about wanting to hurt her either!

That conversation is going to stick with me forever now. If her kids had heard the things she said, they would think Mommy hates them. I thought she hate them, and if she could just pack up and leave them, she would! I think if her kids get sick she probably just says they’re doing it to get attention and locks them in their room to tough it out!

If you ever catch me saying things about my children that would make it seem like I hate them, CALL ME OUT. Text or call me if you know me, email me if you don’t know me, comment on the blog if you don’t want to email! This lady needed a reality check from someone. I’d hope my people would check me quick!

Well, let me close with a picture of my toy-rich child.

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XOXO

Bell

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35 Weeks


35 week stats

Here’s the bump:

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(the top is 35 weeks and the bottom was at 30 weeks)

Size of the baby:

Thebump.com says that he is the size of a honey dew melon. Last week he measured at 5.5 lbs so he’s bigger than the average 35 weeker, I suspect! I wish I had an ultrasound picture from our last appointment, but I got stuck with the newb technician, so she couldn’t get ANY good pictures of him. I wanted to go all diva on her and say “you should just call the other girl in here, because she gets me 3d pics every freaking time!!!” I didn’t.

Weight gain: Too much. I will say nobody at the dr’s office has scolded me for it, so it must be normal to them. The number on the scale sure hasn’t deterred me from eating whatever the heck I want.

Gender: In case you missed our gender reveal video:

Movement: ALWAYS. Too much, actually. Last night I slept 45 minutes. FORTY FIVE MINUTES. THE ENTIRE NIGHT. I slept more than that our first week home with Harper. He was FLIPPING OUT. All night. ALL NIGHT. Violently. He may be breech again with all the movement. It was bananas.

What I miss: Being able to fit past my grocery cart in the check out aisle. There’s no going around to unload it if I’m behind it. I just won’t fit. So I look really stupid if nobody offers to help me because I have to wait until I can push it completely past the register to go around, then push it back to the unloading area.

Cravings: Deep fried batter. Yeah, really. The last time I made fried pickles, I decided I was tired of pickles, and just ate the breading off every one. It was great. I want to just deep fry the buttermilk batter now.

Symptoms:

  • Heartburn. Like I chugged a bottle of hot sauce.
  • Carpal tunnel…maybe? My wrists started to go numb…I had “stranger wrists” last week.
  • I’m so blazing hot all the time. Although, when I take my hand and feel my skin, it’s FREEZING cold. But I feel hot inside!
  • Belly button pain.
  • Extreme hunger.

Worst moment this week: Going to a public restroom and realizing their toilet was shaped drastically different than mine at home. It was like the thing was made with a ramp for my pee to shoot forward. I learned a very important lesson: sit further back on unfamiliar toilets.

Best moment this week: I predict it will be tomorrow when I get my hair fixed. It has turned a yellow/ red mix lately. When I take pictures of myself, I think I look like someone’s mugshot who went to jail for distribution of meth.

We also had a day of practicing to be a big sister where Harper would constantly kiss her baby doll.  SO cute.  We just have to work on the closed mouth kiss.  I’m not sure why she opens her mouth- awkward.

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XOXO

Bell

 

These are a few of my favorite things…


There are certain things that Baby’s R Us told me I JUST HAD TO HAVE!! Several of them…well…I never use!! And there are a few things I wish I had registered for more of, or even ONE of!

THINGS THAT WE LOVE:

  • Fleece zip up/ button ups.

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  • Carter’s long sleeve onsies with built in mittens.
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  • Swaddle Blankets.
  • Carseat cocoon.
  • Baby wash cloths.

THINGS WE DON’T USE:

  • Burp cloths. (we just like to use the wash cloths best)
  • Changing table. (Never needed it!)
  • Dresses. (I’m sure we will soon use these a lot – but right now, onesies are the bees knees!)
  • Formula. (Thank goodness we haven’t had to supplement yet!)
  • Electric bottle warmer. (Usually she has fresh milk!)
  • Travel wipe case. (I like to have a TON of wipes…ya know to ease my mind.)

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One baby…a million pieces of advice!


I was told this would happen…it’s unavoidable…and ever so frustrating…people that have unhelpful criticism and advice about my new baby!

I am slowly and begrudgingly figuring out that I just have to nod my head and smile when put in these situations.

It is hard though!!  🙂  I’d rather throw a Harper-esc tantrum and yell “I live with my baby, I know her better than you do!!”

What is NOT encouraging is:

  • Letting me know what is wrong with my child with all certainty.
  • Offering advice while adding what I am doing wrong.
  • Implying in any way, shape, or form that I am hurting my baby.

What IS encouraging:

  • Letting me know when I am doing a great job being a mother.
  • When someone offers educated helpful advice while leaving all the criticism out.
  • Asking me questions about what I like to do with my baby, instead of just doing it your way.

Whew!  Please keep the ENCOURAGING comments coming and leave the DISCOURAGING ones behind…it really will make everyone’s lives so much easier.

 

 

 

 

Another week…another 100 diapers


How has another week flown by without me posting a single darn thing?!?

I do have free time to dilly dally but for some reason, writing isn’t my top priority these days. I’d much rather shut my eyes or lay down! When I’m not dilly dally-ing you can probably find me:

  • staring at a crying baby with a puzzled look on my face.
  • feeding said baby.
  • burping the same princess mentioned above.
  • sniffing the air wondering what that smell is.
  • changing a poopy diaper.
  • yelling “oh no!!!” as I get peed on while putting on a fresh new diaper.
  • Changing the new diaper to an EVEN NEWER diaper since the flood gates decided to open.
  • re dressing the baby after the double diaper change.
  • yelling “oh no!!!!” (and asking for help if John is home) as I am showered in what can only be described as exorcist style vomit.
  • stripping myself as quickly as possible to get the wet old milky clothes off of me and into dry attire.
  • stripping Harper of her clothes for fresh ones.
  • looking at her wide eyed after hearing what could only have been a NATO bomb detonating in her pants.
  • laying her in her crib for some shut eye after much drama.
  • Pumping milk for 15 minutes.
  • Cleaning my pumping supplies.

Even though sometimes it can get stressful doing several of these things all at once, I think that being home with Harper has been better than both John and I expected it to be.

He has returned to work and we have a pretty good system worked out for getting up to take care of her. He will stay up until 11-12 with her so I can go to bed early or nap as I please to prepare for the night ahead of me. From midnight until 5am I will respond to all of her cries and try not to wake John up in the process. After 5 he will take care of her cries until he has to leave for work- hopefully giving me a few extra hours to sleep in order to make up for getting up in the wee hours. It was difficult at first but it is much easier now that I know when I need to nap. If I feel tired I just need to give in and go to sleep because I am not tired every single time she naps. And many times I can’t just go to sleep because she is ready for bed.

I like the idea of getting every other weekend off from the early morning shift. It’s nice to be able to get a longer stretch of sleep after 5 days of waking up every 2-3 hours during sleep!

This week, Nanny got to meet Harper after much anticipation! I could tell she was really excited and just super happy to finally meet her! John and I are both very lucky that we have grandparents to meet her! It makes me so happy to know that she gets to experience the same Nanny that I did my whole life and also that I was able to give Nanny her first great grand daughter!

Speaking of family – I must also mention how lucky we are to have the great families that we do! It’s really clear that they would do anything for us and Harper. They are incredible and such a huge help!

Big things happening:

  • Not my stomach anymore. THANK JESUS!
  • Harper will have her second DR appointment Wednesday. I’m excited to see how much she has grown because at the last visit she was doing really well with weight gain! The doctor said it is because she is an exclusively breast milk baby! It’s rather empowering to know that I alone supply my baby’s nutrition and that she is flourishing because of it!
  • Christmas is approaching FAST!!! That means lots of dinners and lots of plans!

Goals this week:

  • To clean this house in preparation for Christmas guests.
  • To go see christmas lights around town.
  • To post on the blog at least 3 times!
  • To finish wrapping presents.

Until next time ya’ll….

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Newborn heaven


Needless to say I’ve been slacking with the blog. But I think I deserve a break! I’m trying to get the hang of this “being a mommy” thing!

After 5 days in the hospital, we finally got to go home! It was so odd not being in the hospitals care anymore! Now John had to be my nurse!

The first couple nights were rough for me…just because I was in pain from the c section and couldn’t get up out of bed very easily or quick like! Also, I was on medication-making me more tired than your average bear. This bear also had a baby to take care of!

I think the worst part was hearing Harper cry in the middle of the night and feeling like I couldn’t get to her fast enough…I felt guilty for letting her cry while I shimmied my way out of bed and hobbled like a mummy down the hall, occasionally stopping so as not to fall on my face.
I’m starting to realize that it’s okay If she is upset for 2 minutes while I make my way safely to her room! She will be the same kinda mad in 2 minutes as she would be in 20 seconds. Not a big deal. In reality I’m not going to be able to run to her crib in 30 seconds flat if I’m using the restroom or if I’m cleaning and need to wash my hands before touching her.

Everyday gets easier and is filled with less tiredness as we get together a better routine and develop better tricks and techniques.
For example, I have figured out that at 3am when she is eating, I can avoid a fit if I prop her bottle up so she can still eat while I simultaneously change her diaper! That’s my favorite trick because nobody wants to hear a holy meltdown at 3am. Plus it’s less recovery time to get her back to sleep if I don’t have to calm her down from diaper panic mode.
She sleeps well for a newborn I believe. She sleeps in 2 hour stints and wakes up to eat, poop, and burp. I can get this done in 15-25 minutes depending on if there is a baby breakdown or not. Then I go back to my room and pump for 15-20 minutes..:then clean the pumping equipment and set it back up for the next use. Ideally I would like to go back to sleep sooner because while she sleeps 2 hours at a time, I end up sleeping 1-1.5 hours instead of the 2.

Some of my favorite things:

The baby smell. I waited forever to smell this! I heard so much about it and now I can sniff my very own baby!
lets face it…sniffing random babies is socially awkward.

I REALLY love the face she makes when we burp her! It’s the cutest thing ever.

I like for her to sleep on my chest. I think because it’s the closest we can get and I can tell she’s most content there.

What do I miss?

I miss sleeping longs than 2 hours-BUT I do not miss the quality of sleep I got when I was pregnant. At least now, I can get real bonafide sleep! It’s glorious! And every night I get closer to sleeping on my stomach again!

I can tell you I don’t miss being pregnant. That was way hard!!! The only thing I liked was people being a little extra kind to me out in the general public! Now I’m just a normal human again haha! I can see and reach my toes again, I can walk easier without a basketball attached to me, I can fit into some normal clothes…all good!

What is it physically like after delivery?

I am so surprised at how quickly the swelling has gone down! I was really worried that I would have 30 lbs of baby weight to drop! I did peek at a scale earlier and found out I only needed to drop 12 extra lbs. this is doable!

My c section scar is so low I could wear a bikini with no worries. It’s also sealed w invisible stitches that dissolve…not like the c sections they used to do with staples.

Do I wanna share pictures of my sweet baby?

DUH!!!!!

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Birth story part 2


Picking up where I left off- at 2:30 I was prepped for an emergency c section. It was lightening fast for me. I was briskly wheeled to an operating room while John went to tell my family the situation. He wasnt allowed back in until I was completely prepped for surgery.

On my end I was in the operating room trying to either focus on the bright light above me or breathing. I was transferred onto the operating table…which was super scary because if thy had dropped me I couldn’t feel my legs! After working at a hospital for a good while I knew that I was in good hands. I knew these people did this everyday and wouldn’t let me fall in the floor. That really helped to think about the experience they had. There was SO much going on in the room. I think there were 6-8 people involved in my care.
I was visibly scared and shaking (the anesthesiologist asked me if I was cold…no sir…I’m freaking out!!! -so he must’ve given me something for my nerves. I just assume this because he asked a minute later if I felt any better-and I only slightly did, but was more drowsy than before. Which was fine. It allowed me to just shut my eyes and try to concentrate on not being cut open!

2:52- I hear Johns voice and open my eyes to see him walk past the curtain and sit down at my head and he comforted me-although he looked a little majorly
freaked out. Apparently I was already open on the table when he walked in-I was unaware! And nobody warned him!

2:53- I am told I will feel pressure-which I didn’t! I could feel that my body was being moved a lot because it shook my head, but none of that pressure I’d been told so much about.

2:54- We hear Harper cry for the first time!!!!! It was so fast!!!! I looks at John and he tells me she is here!! They lift her above the curtain so I could see that she was okay…she was perfect, I wasn’t worried that a single thing was wrong! Things are blurry after that. I remember John getting up and taking pictures on my phone. I was able to watch him on a flat screen by my face that was pointed at Harper.

Shortly after she was brought over to my face so I could kiss her and officially say hi. She was so pretty.

After that big production she was sent along with her daddy to my hospital room while I was being sewn up.
John says this took forever, and he was really scared for me because he had seen me cut open and how shaken I was-but I had no concept of time. I just shut my eyes and thought about what she was like and thought about how she would act and how it would feel to be with her. I knew she was safe with daddy so I never worried about that.
I think around 45 minutes later I was taken to my room where John and Harper were waiting on me! She was crying and I just cried all over again and watched her get cleaned up and examined. They brought her over to me so I could have her on my bare chest. I can’t explain how it felt to hold her and finally be with her or how I felt about John and seeing how much he loved her. It’s just something one has to experience to know what it feels like!

She must’ve been hungry because she almost immediately nursed. I don’t think either of us knew what we were doing but I felt better thinking she had eaten a little.

We were finally taken to our new room and allowed to tell our family to come meet Harper! Everyone came up and held her and took endless pictures! I was really excited for everyone to finally meet her…I was so glad they could now touch her with their own hands!

After the smoke had cleared and the camera flashes died down, everyone went home and we got to spend our first night together as a new family. 🙂 John and I both decided that she was perfect!

Birth story part 1


I guess I should leave off where my story last ended…even though that was 3.5 days ago and one baby later.

The morning after I last blogged was a little crazy. LUCKILY…John took notes for me while I was just plain incapable of doing so!

Here we go.

Tuesday am around 6:45 my nurse came in to remove my foley bulb and see if I was dilated and how much. She let me know that the doctor would be in shortly to break my water and start pitocin.
As soon as the nurse walked out I turned green. All of these procedures I was about to go through we’re terrifying to think about! I’ve never gotten sick from being nervous-until Tuesday! Yuck.
An hour later my doctor walks in. She breaks my water (which didn’t hurt). She let me know I was 3 cm dialated.

Not more than an hour later (around 8:50) I started to feel contractions. It was like nothing I’d ever felt before… So intense and Painful… John said I was being strong, but I was so scared. If this was going to feel worse, I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

About 15 minutes later- The doctor checked me and realized I had passed my mucus plug and was still dilated at 3 cm. my contractions were 2 minutes apart and I was being monitored by nurses every second. This was good, but the baby hadn’t dropped into my pelvis yet. She was super high up in my tummy.

An hour later I am STILL 3 cm dialated. The doctor placed an internal pressure catheter to monitor my contractions closer. I thought this would be no big deal-but it HURT!!!!! I don’t know the logistics of why…maybe it was because I was already in terrible pain. It’s a kind of pain that you can’t even speak through. The kind of agony that is hard to even breathe through. I kept holding my breath because even breathing movements made it seem worse. I see women on tv screaming at their partners during this-there’s NO WAY I could scream… I kept thinking how could this feeling get worse??? I am only at 3 cm and I was sure I was going to die! I started to cry at every contraction. I was sweating uncontrollably and shaking in between them. The doctor could see how much pain I was in and we started to talk epidural. She said that was fine as long as I received an ultrasound to make sure that harpers head was directed downward. It was. Thank god!!!! They told me it would be a couple of minutes and the doctor would place my epidural. I BEGGED for more pain medicine to get me through those few minutes! It really felt like life of death-like if I had to wait 2 minutes I would just not make it.
I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the name of that glorious man who made the rest of labor pain free. The epidural was placed in about 2 minutes and didn’t hurt! People freak out over that procedure…but it was smooth sailing!
Within a minute I was feeling relieved. By the time I laid back in the bed I couldn’t feel my legs. It was awesome.

In johns notes- at 10:15 -“Mommy peed her pants”

11:52 – the doctor checked me again- NO change. Still 3 cm 😦 its so discouraging to hear your body isnt doing what it was made to do.

12:30 – my parents arrive!

1:26- I’m at 4 cm. finally some change!!! But Harper still hadn’t dropped into my pelvis. No bueno. To coax her down the doctor was going to add a TON of fluid to my tummy. This was gross. It was probably 10 lbs of fluid…and y’all, what goes in must come out. EEWWWW!!! But it didn’t hurt. So whatever! Let’s do it!

2:15- I finally reach 7 cm, 100% effaced, and Harper is dropping down low! I can feel that!!!!! Thank good was things are going our way. I alert everyone of the positive change!

2:30- after observing that Harper was responding negatively to my contractions with a dropping heart rate, my doctor informed us that we were immediately being sent to have a c section. She informed us that things were going to move very fast from here on out. My heart sank. For one thing, I had labored for 7 hours and was finally progressing…for another-it’s a surgery. That I will stay conscious through. I was terrified all over again. I fell apart. And had no time to put myself back Together before I was whisked off to the surgery room. I have never shaken so violently in my life. I looked like I had been stuck in the snow for 5 hours! I just could not control it-it was crazy!!! I’m pretty sure seeing me that scared freaked John out. Not to mention they didn’t let him walk with us to the operating room-he had to wait until they came to get him.

I’ll have to continue the story tomorrow when John can help me with all the details of the rest! Clearly it resulted in the cutest most advanced baby in the world.

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Oh baby


Well I guess we all knew she would have to be served an eviction notice.

Well, miss Harper…you have just been served.

Today seemed uneventful. We woke up around 8-9. John had his coffee while I snuggled in my pillow mountain in the bed for an hour. after a good pillow motor boating I decided to get out of bed and fluff my hair.
After all-I was promised sushi before my doctors appointment.
We ate at rock n roll sushi -and it was DELISH. Best place in the ham for sushi I think! The waiter casually told us we would probably have a baby today. Haha, Jeremy…I know better. She never wants to come out!

Fast forward we go through the usual checks at the doctors office. She noticed I was still measuring a little small so she said shed send me for a casual ultrasound just to see what Harper was up to. No big deal. This happens every couple of weeks.
Before we left for the ultrasound she set us up an induction date! How exciting. We can FINALLY see the light at the end of this pregnancy tunnel!

December 6th. That’s when we would meet Harper! Woohoo!

We skip and hop to ultrasound.

Then we get to see our chubby baby.

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Hello chubby bunny!!!!
Get this. The ultrasound tech let us know she has BIG HAIR! Many of you may not know that I have a blonde Afro if humidity allows. GIANT hair. Always have. It’s much cuter on a baby than an adult. I digress.

Then…the ultrasound tech let us know that Harper was measuring 3 weeks behind and we needed to head back over to talk to the doctor. Odd-they never send me back. I honestly thought that meant I’d be pregnant another month to let her grow. (please no more of this pregnancy stuff!!!)

The doctor lets us know that we will be sent to labor and delivery. WHAT? I mean I know I want her now-but I thought I’d have more mental preparation to drive myself nuts worrying about D day! Now I have to cram all the anxiety into a day!

Luckily I had our bags packed! Like I do every week.

So here we lay in the hospital with foley bulb inserted (OUCH).

And we wait. I have a feeling this part of the process will be hard so keep us in your thoughts. Especially John…he may have to visit the battered women’s shelter.

Updates to come if I’m not in too much pain!:)

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And so it has begun


The weekly packing of my bags.

Every week since I was admitted to the hospital with zero belongings and no way to charge my phone-I pack a hospital bag before my appointment! I keep a separate bag in the cube with clothes for Harper, John, and I…but I need the extra security bag!

What do I keep in the bags?

Well for the bag that stays in the car I have:
Newborn onsies, winter fleece outfits, hats, socks, and pants.
One swaddle that I like in particular from swaddlekinz.
House shoes
Hospital gown (okay I bought a fashionable gown for after pictures 🙂 )
Large leggings
Button up pj tops
A sweater
Pj bottoms
johns shirts
Johns socks
Johns pants
Johns book (the birth partner lol)

In the bag I pack every week:
Maternity bra
Tooth brushes
Tooth paste (I know the hospital has it-BUT last time, I had an emergency and NEEDED it ASAP.)
Travel size shampoo/conditioner
Underoos
Nail polish (John is under contract to paint my nails if they appear to be in shambles.)
Nail clippers. (don’t want to scratch the baby. Or john.)
Digital camera w memory card
Shaving razor
Lotion
Body spray
Deodorant
Make up
Pillow
And the two most important: my blankie and phone charger!

Im sure I forgot to mention a few things but lets be real, I’m not getting out of bed and digging through the bags right now!

Maybe I shouldn’t bring them. Maybe it’s bad luck? Maybe if I bring the bags the doctor will tell me to wait until the 42 week to induce.