Sisterly Love


We can already see it budding.

She will always give him kisses.

She will try to hold him for a while.

She will give him her version of a hug….may look like strangulation, but it’s sweet.

She pets him now, without breaking out a game of wack a mole on his face anymore.

She says BABY.  SO CUTE.

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I just can’t wait to see how their relationship evolves over time.

People worry about the first child feeling unloved or believe that the parents have to divide their love between two now, and I’m not a part of those beliefs.

I love them both equally.  My love for Harper has not faded an inkling.  But I have new love in my life now.  Instead of my love, I have my loves.

Now I get to see them love each other.  Oh heart be still.

I get to see a sister love a brother and a brother love a sister.

I get to see John’s love for 2.  Then I have even more love for him.

All that love might make ya just explode!!!!

XOXO

Bell

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TWO


What’s it like with TWO under TWO you ask?

Well I’m halfway into my second month with my 2, so it’s high time I tell you guys how it’s been over here in bama.

Also, prepare yourself for the photo dump since I have literally posted 3 times since the birth of our son.

Here’s a few nineteen before I start:

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I was terrified for John to go back to work, and for my mother to go back home, leaving me alone with 2 children that would certainly eat me alive.

The day came.  It was pretty awesome.  Harper must have had some purple drank in her bottle because she slept until TEN that morning.  TEN!!!!  She literally NEVER does that.  Praise Jesus, ya’ll!  By the time she woke up, John Tyler and myself had rested up from our hectic night and I was able to get up feeling somewhat rested while he snoozed in my bed.  Harper was in a good mood too.  A change from the previous week.  She had been hell on wheels for a few weeks.  Thank you lord for lifting her brat tastic mood.  My sweet baby was back!!!!!  I set her up with a movie and went downstairs to make her breakfast.  She was contently waiting for me when I came back up with her yogurt/banana/granola mix.

Here’s why she was mean to me the first few weeks of being home.  6 teeth at once.  SIX TEETH AT ONCE.

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While my big baby was playing in her playroom, my little tiny buddy was just snoozin’ in Momma’s bed!

So Harper and I play/clean up the house a little and right around nap time, guess who I hear waking up?  You guessed it!! John Tyler.  He was ready to play.

Harper went down for her normal nap and I snuggled up to feed my buddy.  Then (thank ya jesus!) he was ready to go right back to sleepy town with Momma.  Momma needed that sleepy time.

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Nap time was beautiful.  It lasted around 3 hours.  And I actually go to sleep an hour of it!  🙂  SCORE!

Soon, John was home to see any possible damage.  Other than the lack of dinner or housework, he was pleased.  I had kept them alive.

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Days like this happen more than I had expected.

Then there are DARK days where I’m sure they pow wow on how to break me down to a tiny ball of frustration.

They turn me into a woman that wants to drink.  (disclaimer:  I don’t actually drink.  Tried it the other night, didn’t like it, didn’t get past beer #1.)

There are usually 1-2 more magical days than dark days, I’ll take it.

Dark days are the days we stay home and dare not venture out, for it will surely create the perfect storm.

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How the work involving the babies has been impacted:

The work is not double.  No no no no no…it is triple or even quadruple.

The number of diapers used on a daily basis has greatly increased.  We probably go through triple the diapers as opposed to when we only had Harper around.

We change our sheets 2x a week MINIMUM.  I have become a vile woman who is not above sleeping in a little urine if it’s 3am when the incident occurs.

I create double the laundry I used to -from being vomited on, leaked on, peed on, etc.  John tyler always has a nice load (no pun intended) for us too, he throws up on, poops on, or pees on about 3 outfits a day/1 a night.  Good thing the kid has more clothes than a grown man.

All hands on deck is ideal.  If we are both at home, one of us  needs to pick a baby and be its person.  It’s a “This one is yours and this one is mine” sort of living.  Your journey is a success if you keep your designated baby alive.

If we are both home and decide to go to a store, we have to pick one to accompany us while parent #2 stays at home with the other baby.

If dinner is desired and you’ve had one of those “perfect storm” days, tell parent 2 to pick something up on the way or suggest a frozen dinner from the house.  I can pull a nice dinner off on magical days, but I can barely eat a single teddy graham  all day on those DARK days!  I have only eaten lunch at home 1 time in the last 3 weeks.  Whatever.  More weight watchers points for me at 11pm when I can REALLY eat.

 

I hope everyone else I used to be internet land friends with is okay and surviving well with their new babies!!!

XOXO

Bell

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Things I’m sure are true:


  1. If I wash this baby’s head, he won’t smell like baby anymore.
  2. If I take him out of his carseat in public, a ninja baby snatcher will appear and steal him from me.
  3. That his runny right eye is not from a “clogged tear duct” as the doctor told me, but it’s really from his first day home, when he peed in his own eye.
  4. I suffer from shower schizophrenia. I hear baby cries the entire shower. Nobody is crying in the house.
  5. The baby doesn’t care much for me when I take a shower and wash the “boob smell” off.

These things are all true and legit.

They just are.

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“Two of my favorite things, Mommy”

Being released into the wild


I had forgotten all of my newborn rules from when Harper was born. I was a fool not to look back at the posts from those first few weeks.

You really need to do/know some things to survive life after newborn. Mostly you need to know some things about leaving your safe little home.

Here are some things I just had to share:

  1. When you are ready to be “released into the wild”, take it easy. Pick familiar spots. Like, if you know everyone at the publix (like me), go to the publix. Pick your familiar cashier, even if you have to stand in a longer line or cheat your way through that stupid “1o items or less” line. Talk to the bag boy that you are certain will not steal your baby while he wheels your groceries out to the car. MAKE it a comfortable experience.
  2. Know that strangers are going to walk up to you and your new baby. Know that AT LEAST 4 people will ask you how old that baby is. Be prepared for that 1 person that is brave enough to reach their grubby hand into your dang buggy and TOUCH YOUR BABY. There is something about a pristine tiny baby that just screams “touch my hand or face and transfer ecoli from the chicken you just bought onto my germ free little body”. SH*T!!!
  3. Be prepared to hear comments that make you want to go all Naomi Campbell with a cell phone on folks. “That baby is hungry”, “Does he not like to wear socks”?, “Oh you’re pumping instead of breastfeeding?”…..The last one gets me. It happens every day almost. Isn’t that strange? That someone, even a stranger would say that?? Listen people, I’m breastfeeding my child. Sometimes I pump BREAST milk into a bottle and feed it to him. It’s still breastfeeding, there is just an extra middle man. He’s exclusively breast fed. Get off my balls. Just simply think what you are thinking, and don’t say it out loud to whoever has decided to question your parenting skills. Deep breaths.
  4. Don’t go far from home the first few weeks home. Factor in how long you could possibly be trapped inside a vehicle with a screaming baby.
  5. Don’t shove too many errands into one outing. Pick one or two goals, and be realistic in thinking “it’s okay if I only get one of these things done”.
  6. Plan your life in 2 hour increments. Think about feeding baby right before you leave the house and start your timer. Know that 2 hours (maybe more maybe less) later you will have a hungry baby and your breasts may be bursting at the seams.
  7. Keep a whole pack of diapers and wipes in your car. That way you can pack just one diaper in your purse and know that you are set up for car refills at all times while you’re out. (While you’re at it, stick a pacifier, extra set of baby clothes, extra momma shirt, and a burp rag in there too) You can never be too prepared. Let’s face it, we have had a baby sucking our brains out through our boobs, we forget lots of things.
  8. Don’t only bring food for baby. Do yourself a favor and buy purse-friendly munchies for yourself.
  9. If you feel like you’re not ready to go out in public yet, it’s fine!! WAIT!! Don’t let anyone pressure you into it, for some people (LIKE ME) it’s a big leap to go back out into public with a tiny human after being safely locked in your home with him for 3 weeks. My indicator to take it slow was an almost complete meltdown over a sandwich that was made incorrectly. I literally had to leave the restaurant because I was about to cry over lettuce being on my sandwich. LETTUCE!!! I didn’t even have my babies with me!!
  10. This one is for at home but I’m on a roll, so here: buy snacks or pre made goodies and shove them wherever you spend most of your time. If you’re like me, you’re not going to be cooking yourself lunch every day (actually if you’re like me, you won’t have made yourself a hot lunch for the first 3 weeks). I can’t tell you how many times I have been digging through a bag of cookies at 2-3am while pumping or feeding. The kid has crumbs in his hair pretty consistently.

This is where I feel most comfortable so far, and I think it shows:

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Hope this list was helpful!!

XOXO

Bell

Baby 2.0’s birth story


On March 29th at 0815, I, along with my sister in law, paid the second visit to my OB in that week.

After the countless false alarms and being sent home every single appointment with a nice “you’re cervix is closed TIGHT” comment, I really just figured that everything remained the same.

They weren’t.

I had started to finally dilate.

I probably asked the doctor if she was just kidding about 10 times before heading to labor and delivery. I’m pretty sure that even though it’s her job to deal with pregnant women, she was glad to finally get this baby out of me.

At 0900 I was getting settled in labor triage and texting John to not even bother going into work. The nurses were nice enough to let me power shave my legs in the sink before they put in my IV. After the IV, I continued to put makeup on and paint my nails PERFECTLY. They’ve never turned out as good as they did that morning!

As I laid there in the triage room, I wasn’t scared. It was the strangest thing.

Once you’ve experienced a semi-traumatic birth, you have something to compare to your second, and it was night and day from when I had Harper. You can read about that birth story HERE and HERE. I just drifted off into thinking about how stressful of a situation Harper’s birth was and thinking “THIS IS NOTHING – YOU WENT THROUGH HELL THE FIRST TIME”! I knew (for the most part) that my birth plan would be followed, it wouldn’t deviate like last time. I KNEW what was happening soon. I didn’t have to worry about every single moment this time. It was amazing to me that I didn’t have to be terrified.

11:00 rolled around and the man who I almost named my first child after, came to give me my epidural. I’ll never forget that man from Harper’s birth. NEVER. I was anxious that I would be scared when he came in, and then I wasn’t!

Within 5 minutes of his arrival, he pushed some sort of magical juice through my IV and he had the epidural placed. It was time for John to come back into the room. I WAS JACKED UP. I imagine it’s what people who do heroine feel like. I didn’t want to talk to anyone because I wasn’t confident that my tongue would even cooperate. I shut my eyes and enjoyed the ride.

About 11:50 I was wheeled into the OR. This was the only part that I was scared. I was scared because I remembered how it felt to be moved from my stretcher to the operating table. It was still a scary ordeal because you feel like you’re about to hit the floor, and your dang legs don’t work! Luckily that was quickly over and I was heading back to narcotic land, shutting my eyes and waiting for John to come in. When I was in this position with Harper’s birth, I was shaking so violently that the doctor had to give me something to calm me down. It looked like I was seizing back then! Night and day, people.

John came in a few minutes after noon to sit with me and wait.

At 12:09 I could see my body shifting and moving from the pulling they were doing to get the baby out, and then we heard him cry for the very first time! Apparently he also peed on me as soon as he came out. A great indicator of what was to come.

There you go! Boring right? I’M SO GLAD IT WAS BORING.

Some people will tell you that C sections are an easy way out of labor. I had no way to tell if I could have him VBAC so soon after a previous C section. He never dropped down and for the most part, I had no cervical change. My body was indicating that I would not be able to deliver vaginially, just like the first time. I wasn’t willing to go through the trauma again. It was too much the first time. It’s something that will stick with me. Everyone told me it would go away and I would not even remember it, so not true! It was easy to do (to skip labor, that is), however It wasn’t an easy decision to make though, I knew what a C section recovery looked like, and it wasn’t pleasant.

Although the birth was an easy experience, the recovery was harder. I still have no idea why. The only explanations I can think of is that they had to reopen an old incision to get the baby, or they had to dig him out of me, making the whole process brutal. My stomach was crazy swollen until 2 weeks post partum. I still looked 7 months pregnant, and that was a hard thing to deal with! I just needed more time with this one. After 2.5 weeks, I am of course, not fully recovered, but a version of my old self is starting to emerge. I am slowly picking up more and more household duties and am able to hit the road in my car! Baby steps!

I’m hoping all of my formerly pregnant people out there had a good birth because almost all of you were due the same month I was!

XOXO

Bell

 

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What are you going to do when you have 2 of them!?


Exactly what we are doing now, keeping them both alive!

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We were home on April 1st (HAHA world), to begin our REAL journey on having both a new born AND a toddler! I was excited to get Harper back from family because I felt like when she saw me in the hospital, she didn’t want anything to do with me, so I missed her, I especially missed her favoritism towards me.

I really don’t even remember much about the first day home. I ate some french fries for lunch that I’m certain Jesus Christ himself made. John Tyler got to take his first nap in his very own nursery. Glad he liked it because he didn’t see much of that nursery for the first 2 weeks of his life!! I’m pretty sure this was the day I realized that Harper was mad at me. I’m not sure it was the whole “having a baby” thing, I think it was more that I had been absent for a week. She wasn’t cool with that. I was her favorite. Not anymore. I was probably hooked up to the milk factory machine that day and night every 2 hours when I wasn’t having him latch on. I really took advantage of latching at night when I was WAY too tired to pump and could just lay him at my side. He ate, I snoozed.

The entire first week home is a blurred mess in my brain. I’ll try to piece it together.

I would have DIED if John wasn’t home. I’m not sure how anyone in the world can take care of their toddler after having a c section. I couldn’t pick Harper up, couldn’t change her diaper, couldn’t chase after her, nothing! This didn’t help to pushing me further into the least favorite parent category for her. When I would take my medication, I was tired, but functioning. If I skipped it, I paid for it. I would have to have help drying my legs off after a shower, and putting pants and underwear on. The pain was that bad without the medicines. The recovery with Harper was NOT this bad. I was never so bruised feeling with her, I think they had to dig baby brother out of my ribs with a crowbar. That is the only explanation as to why I am STILL sore in my ribs.

The days were filled with asking John to bring me buckets of ice water to suck down, as well as any meals we required. There’s NO cooking the first week when you have 2 babies. I cried during the days, and John Tyler cried during the nights! We had understood shifts. We were lucky enough to have family help us out by taking Harper a few nights, because we REALLY needed that time in the morning to sleep in and recover from the night before. I forgot that when I only had one newborn to worry about, I could lay back down with her to nap or to sleep in, and I would get my sleep fix. You can’t do that with 2. And if you can, do tell me the trick.

That’s all I can extract from my brain about the first week.

Here we all are in our second week home. Harper is just now coming around. It may be because I am able to hang out more because the pain is going away, or it may just be running its course. John Tyler is bigger every time I look at him after falling asleep! He had surpassed his birth weight a few days after he was born (it usually takes 2 weeks for babies to do that), so I know he is going to be a healthy boy! Harper is getting her molars, prompting her to be mean to her mother and father. I wish those things would finish coming in! I want my sweet girl back!

I am finally cooking dinner for us, a task that proved entirely too much the first week. I am able to drive since I am no longer on pain medications. The real world is nice. I missed it. If you were to ask me how long John Tyler sleeps at night, I would have no answer for you. I’m too tired to notice times and actually remember them that late at night. I *think* he may have done a few 3-3.5 hour stints, but I can’t prove it. I’m sure I will have a more documented night next week when I am the only one getting up with him at night!

Here are some questions I’ve been asked recently:

How different are things with your second in regards to how you feel about him?

I am clinging to him more because I know he is our last baby, and I know how quickly everything slips away.

Although during the day, I feel like I hold him as much as I held Harper. At night, he is with me way more than she was. I’m very focused on preventing time from getting away from me, and even time snuggling in bed is valuable.

I feel a greater sense of accomplishment with breastfeeding him. He latches perfectly, and in turn, I am not in pain when I feed him. Even though I pump a lot, he still latches like a champ. I’m okay with this.

How is he different than Harper?

He pees and throws up on me/us WAAAAYYYYY more than she did. My, what a steady, strong stream.

He is much more laid back.

Noises and lights don’t bother him.

He doesn’t really care to be bounced like Harper did. He also doesn’t care much for pacifiers. He normally spits them back out and looks at me like “that was a fraud”!!

He doesn’t require a swaddle to sleep well.

How is he similar to Harper?

It’s hard to tell how similar he will be just yet. He does look EXACTLY like her newborn self! For real, they could be twins in the photos.

They also have the same big toe/first toe separation. However, his other toes are crazy long. Like chimpanzee stuff.

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He was born with a nice little genetic mohawk. One difference in his hair and hers, is he has a sweet little “water tornado” swirl at the tip of his mohawk!

Benefits of having 2 so far:

  • Being able to see him wear some of the gender neutral things that she wore.

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(like this)

  • Watching Harper come up to him and kiss him without us prompting her to do it. It’s especially refreshing when just the week prior, she would walk up to him and smack him as hard as she could. :/ He needs a helmet this first year. She will need a helmet next year.
  • My baby wearing will soon be in full force. I like baby wearing.
  • We finally have a sufficient number of pacifiers laying around.

I hope everyone was able to read that post and not think I’m a complete idiot. My brain is just mush. It’s hard to extract much from it just yet. I will try to leave a short birth story up soon, because really, it’s the thing to do as a blogger.

I miss everyone on here and am going to try to be more of a presence – my 100 daily readers are very important to me and I’m starting to miss the interaction!

XOXO

Bell

 

 

 

I’ve been trying to figure out who he looks most like. Here are some options:

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Our birth video


We are so lucky to have such a talented family member, McKenzie, with Mckenzie Miller Films to document our special arrival!

This video was so special to me because when you have a C section, you miss the first hour of your baby’s life while they finish up on you in the operating room. I get to see what I was laying there wondering about and imagining. I get to see the first time I *really* hold John Tyler. It’s an amazing piece of time to have forever! Every time I watch it, I find myself taking a deep breath when I am holding him on the video, because I see myself literally breathing him in and smelling him, while thinking I finally get to SMELL you!

Thank you so much, McKenzie!

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/63195373″>Tyler Eddins</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/mckenziemillerfilms”>McKenzie Miller Films</a> on <a href=”http://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>

Don’t you just love how Harper is all like “oh, room 20 is THIS way, lets go!”

 

I hope everyone enjoys this as much as I have!

XOXO

Bell

Too many eggs in one basket


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was daydreaming earlier on my car ride home from church group and about how soon, I’ll have 2 sweet children to spend all my holidays with. This prompted me to think about baby 2.0’s arrival. Baby 2.0 is due April 5th. But since I am at an unusual risk for uterine rupture, we plan to schedule a C section a week before the due date. Thats….march 28 ish. March 31 is easter. Harpers first easter!!! 😦

So here are what I believe my options are:

 

  1. Schedule the C section on march 28 and be in the hospital for Easter.  😦
  2. Schedule the C secton for the monday after Easter, and try not to blind anyone with my ginormous butt during the Great Easter Egg Hunt of 2013.
  3. BEG my doctor to let me deliver at 37 weeks if the baby is a good weight.  This is ideal to me.  Come on doc!  Make it happen for mama!

 

Even if we do it a week early, I will be hobbling around trying to find eggs….but then I can spend Easter with all my babies!  🙂  and somewhat participate!

 

Any thoughts are welcome!!

 

XOXO

 

BELL

These are a few of my favorite things…


There are certain things that Baby’s R Us told me I JUST HAD TO HAVE!! Several of them…well…I never use!! And there are a few things I wish I had registered for more of, or even ONE of!

THINGS THAT WE LOVE:

  • Fleece zip up/ button ups.

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  • Carter’s long sleeve onsies with built in mittens.
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  • Swaddle Blankets.
  • Carseat cocoon.
  • Baby wash cloths.

THINGS WE DON’T USE:

  • Burp cloths. (we just like to use the wash cloths best)
  • Changing table. (Never needed it!)
  • Dresses. (I’m sure we will soon use these a lot – but right now, onesies are the bees knees!)
  • Formula. (Thank goodness we haven’t had to supplement yet!)
  • Electric bottle warmer. (Usually she has fresh milk!)
  • Travel wipe case. (I like to have a TON of wipes…ya know to ease my mind.)

If you have time to vote for me please do-just click on the top baby blogs link to the right of this page a pop up will open and click the owl on the left to finalize ur vote!:)

One baby…a million pieces of advice!


I was told this would happen…it’s unavoidable…and ever so frustrating…people that have unhelpful criticism and advice about my new baby!

I am slowly and begrudgingly figuring out that I just have to nod my head and smile when put in these situations.

It is hard though!!  🙂  I’d rather throw a Harper-esc tantrum and yell “I live with my baby, I know her better than you do!!”

What is NOT encouraging is:

  • Letting me know what is wrong with my child with all certainty.
  • Offering advice while adding what I am doing wrong.
  • Implying in any way, shape, or form that I am hurting my baby.

What IS encouraging:

  • Letting me know when I am doing a great job being a mother.
  • When someone offers educated helpful advice while leaving all the criticism out.
  • Asking me questions about what I like to do with my baby, instead of just doing it your way.

Whew!  Please keep the ENCOURAGING comments coming and leave the DISCOURAGING ones behind…it really will make everyone’s lives so much easier.

 

 

 

 

Another week…another 100 diapers


How has another week flown by without me posting a single darn thing?!?

I do have free time to dilly dally but for some reason, writing isn’t my top priority these days. I’d much rather shut my eyes or lay down! When I’m not dilly dally-ing you can probably find me:

  • staring at a crying baby with a puzzled look on my face.
  • feeding said baby.
  • burping the same princess mentioned above.
  • sniffing the air wondering what that smell is.
  • changing a poopy diaper.
  • yelling “oh no!!!” as I get peed on while putting on a fresh new diaper.
  • Changing the new diaper to an EVEN NEWER diaper since the flood gates decided to open.
  • re dressing the baby after the double diaper change.
  • yelling “oh no!!!!” (and asking for help if John is home) as I am showered in what can only be described as exorcist style vomit.
  • stripping myself as quickly as possible to get the wet old milky clothes off of me and into dry attire.
  • stripping Harper of her clothes for fresh ones.
  • looking at her wide eyed after hearing what could only have been a NATO bomb detonating in her pants.
  • laying her in her crib for some shut eye after much drama.
  • Pumping milk for 15 minutes.
  • Cleaning my pumping supplies.

Even though sometimes it can get stressful doing several of these things all at once, I think that being home with Harper has been better than both John and I expected it to be.

He has returned to work and we have a pretty good system worked out for getting up to take care of her. He will stay up until 11-12 with her so I can go to bed early or nap as I please to prepare for the night ahead of me. From midnight until 5am I will respond to all of her cries and try not to wake John up in the process. After 5 he will take care of her cries until he has to leave for work- hopefully giving me a few extra hours to sleep in order to make up for getting up in the wee hours. It was difficult at first but it is much easier now that I know when I need to nap. If I feel tired I just need to give in and go to sleep because I am not tired every single time she naps. And many times I can’t just go to sleep because she is ready for bed.

I like the idea of getting every other weekend off from the early morning shift. It’s nice to be able to get a longer stretch of sleep after 5 days of waking up every 2-3 hours during sleep!

This week, Nanny got to meet Harper after much anticipation! I could tell she was really excited and just super happy to finally meet her! John and I are both very lucky that we have grandparents to meet her! It makes me so happy to know that she gets to experience the same Nanny that I did my whole life and also that I was able to give Nanny her first great grand daughter!

Speaking of family – I must also mention how lucky we are to have the great families that we do! It’s really clear that they would do anything for us and Harper. They are incredible and such a huge help!

Big things happening:

  • Not my stomach anymore. THANK JESUS!
  • Harper will have her second DR appointment Wednesday. I’m excited to see how much she has grown because at the last visit she was doing really well with weight gain! The doctor said it is because she is an exclusively breast milk baby! It’s rather empowering to know that I alone supply my baby’s nutrition and that she is flourishing because of it!
  • Christmas is approaching FAST!!! That means lots of dinners and lots of plans!

Goals this week:

  • To clean this house in preparation for Christmas guests.
  • To go see christmas lights around town.
  • To post on the blog at least 3 times!
  • To finish wrapping presents.

Until next time ya’ll….

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If you have time please click on the “top baby blogs” link/button on the right side of my blog and vote for me.  After you click the button another page will pop up asking if you are sure you want to vote- just click the owl on the left!  hooty hoo!

 

Newborn heaven


Needless to say I’ve been slacking with the blog. But I think I deserve a break! I’m trying to get the hang of this “being a mommy” thing!

After 5 days in the hospital, we finally got to go home! It was so odd not being in the hospitals care anymore! Now John had to be my nurse!

The first couple nights were rough for me…just because I was in pain from the c section and couldn’t get up out of bed very easily or quick like! Also, I was on medication-making me more tired than your average bear. This bear also had a baby to take care of!

I think the worst part was hearing Harper cry in the middle of the night and feeling like I couldn’t get to her fast enough…I felt guilty for letting her cry while I shimmied my way out of bed and hobbled like a mummy down the hall, occasionally stopping so as not to fall on my face.
I’m starting to realize that it’s okay If she is upset for 2 minutes while I make my way safely to her room! She will be the same kinda mad in 2 minutes as she would be in 20 seconds. Not a big deal. In reality I’m not going to be able to run to her crib in 30 seconds flat if I’m using the restroom or if I’m cleaning and need to wash my hands before touching her.

Everyday gets easier and is filled with less tiredness as we get together a better routine and develop better tricks and techniques.
For example, I have figured out that at 3am when she is eating, I can avoid a fit if I prop her bottle up so she can still eat while I simultaneously change her diaper! That’s my favorite trick because nobody wants to hear a holy meltdown at 3am. Plus it’s less recovery time to get her back to sleep if I don’t have to calm her down from diaper panic mode.
She sleeps well for a newborn I believe. She sleeps in 2 hour stints and wakes up to eat, poop, and burp. I can get this done in 15-25 minutes depending on if there is a baby breakdown or not. Then I go back to my room and pump for 15-20 minutes..:then clean the pumping equipment and set it back up for the next use. Ideally I would like to go back to sleep sooner because while she sleeps 2 hours at a time, I end up sleeping 1-1.5 hours instead of the 2.

Some of my favorite things:

The baby smell. I waited forever to smell this! I heard so much about it and now I can sniff my very own baby!
lets face it…sniffing random babies is socially awkward.

I REALLY love the face she makes when we burp her! It’s the cutest thing ever.

I like for her to sleep on my chest. I think because it’s the closest we can get and I can tell she’s most content there.

What do I miss?

I miss sleeping longs than 2 hours-BUT I do not miss the quality of sleep I got when I was pregnant. At least now, I can get real bonafide sleep! It’s glorious! And every night I get closer to sleeping on my stomach again!

I can tell you I don’t miss being pregnant. That was way hard!!! The only thing I liked was people being a little extra kind to me out in the general public! Now I’m just a normal human again haha! I can see and reach my toes again, I can walk easier without a basketball attached to me, I can fit into some normal clothes…all good!

What is it physically like after delivery?

I am so surprised at how quickly the swelling has gone down! I was really worried that I would have 30 lbs of baby weight to drop! I did peek at a scale earlier and found out I only needed to drop 12 extra lbs. this is doable!

My c section scar is so low I could wear a bikini with no worries. It’s also sealed w invisible stitches that dissolve…not like the c sections they used to do with staples.

Do I wanna share pictures of my sweet baby?

DUH!!!!!

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Birth story part 2


Picking up where I left off- at 2:30 I was prepped for an emergency c section. It was lightening fast for me. I was briskly wheeled to an operating room while John went to tell my family the situation. He wasnt allowed back in until I was completely prepped for surgery.

On my end I was in the operating room trying to either focus on the bright light above me or breathing. I was transferred onto the operating table…which was super scary because if thy had dropped me I couldn’t feel my legs! After working at a hospital for a good while I knew that I was in good hands. I knew these people did this everyday and wouldn’t let me fall in the floor. That really helped to think about the experience they had. There was SO much going on in the room. I think there were 6-8 people involved in my care.
I was visibly scared and shaking (the anesthesiologist asked me if I was cold…no sir…I’m freaking out!!! -so he must’ve given me something for my nerves. I just assume this because he asked a minute later if I felt any better-and I only slightly did, but was more drowsy than before. Which was fine. It allowed me to just shut my eyes and try to concentrate on not being cut open!

2:52- I hear Johns voice and open my eyes to see him walk past the curtain and sit down at my head and he comforted me-although he looked a little majorly
freaked out. Apparently I was already open on the table when he walked in-I was unaware! And nobody warned him!

2:53- I am told I will feel pressure-which I didn’t! I could feel that my body was being moved a lot because it shook my head, but none of that pressure I’d been told so much about.

2:54- We hear Harper cry for the first time!!!!! It was so fast!!!! I looks at John and he tells me she is here!! They lift her above the curtain so I could see that she was okay…she was perfect, I wasn’t worried that a single thing was wrong! Things are blurry after that. I remember John getting up and taking pictures on my phone. I was able to watch him on a flat screen by my face that was pointed at Harper.

Shortly after she was brought over to my face so I could kiss her and officially say hi. She was so pretty.

After that big production she was sent along with her daddy to my hospital room while I was being sewn up.
John says this took forever, and he was really scared for me because he had seen me cut open and how shaken I was-but I had no concept of time. I just shut my eyes and thought about what she was like and thought about how she would act and how it would feel to be with her. I knew she was safe with daddy so I never worried about that.
I think around 45 minutes later I was taken to my room where John and Harper were waiting on me! She was crying and I just cried all over again and watched her get cleaned up and examined. They brought her over to me so I could have her on my bare chest. I can’t explain how it felt to hold her and finally be with her or how I felt about John and seeing how much he loved her. It’s just something one has to experience to know what it feels like!

She must’ve been hungry because she almost immediately nursed. I don’t think either of us knew what we were doing but I felt better thinking she had eaten a little.

We were finally taken to our new room and allowed to tell our family to come meet Harper! Everyone came up and held her and took endless pictures! I was really excited for everyone to finally meet her…I was so glad they could now touch her with their own hands!

After the smoke had cleared and the camera flashes died down, everyone went home and we got to spend our first night together as a new family. 🙂 John and I both decided that she was perfect!

Birth story part 1


I guess I should leave off where my story last ended…even though that was 3.5 days ago and one baby later.

The morning after I last blogged was a little crazy. LUCKILY…John took notes for me while I was just plain incapable of doing so!

Here we go.

Tuesday am around 6:45 my nurse came in to remove my foley bulb and see if I was dilated and how much. She let me know that the doctor would be in shortly to break my water and start pitocin.
As soon as the nurse walked out I turned green. All of these procedures I was about to go through we’re terrifying to think about! I’ve never gotten sick from being nervous-until Tuesday! Yuck.
An hour later my doctor walks in. She breaks my water (which didn’t hurt). She let me know I was 3 cm dialated.

Not more than an hour later (around 8:50) I started to feel contractions. It was like nothing I’d ever felt before… So intense and Painful… John said I was being strong, but I was so scared. If this was going to feel worse, I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

About 15 minutes later- The doctor checked me and realized I had passed my mucus plug and was still dilated at 3 cm. my contractions were 2 minutes apart and I was being monitored by nurses every second. This was good, but the baby hadn’t dropped into my pelvis yet. She was super high up in my tummy.

An hour later I am STILL 3 cm dialated. The doctor placed an internal pressure catheter to monitor my contractions closer. I thought this would be no big deal-but it HURT!!!!! I don’t know the logistics of why…maybe it was because I was already in terrible pain. It’s a kind of pain that you can’t even speak through. The kind of agony that is hard to even breathe through. I kept holding my breath because even breathing movements made it seem worse. I see women on tv screaming at their partners during this-there’s NO WAY I could scream… I kept thinking how could this feeling get worse??? I am only at 3 cm and I was sure I was going to die! I started to cry at every contraction. I was sweating uncontrollably and shaking in between them. The doctor could see how much pain I was in and we started to talk epidural. She said that was fine as long as I received an ultrasound to make sure that harpers head was directed downward. It was. Thank god!!!! They told me it would be a couple of minutes and the doctor would place my epidural. I BEGGED for more pain medicine to get me through those few minutes! It really felt like life of death-like if I had to wait 2 minutes I would just not make it.
I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the name of that glorious man who made the rest of labor pain free. The epidural was placed in about 2 minutes and didn’t hurt! People freak out over that procedure…but it was smooth sailing!
Within a minute I was feeling relieved. By the time I laid back in the bed I couldn’t feel my legs. It was awesome.

In johns notes- at 10:15 -“Mommy peed her pants”

11:52 – the doctor checked me again- NO change. Still 3 cm 😦 its so discouraging to hear your body isnt doing what it was made to do.

12:30 – my parents arrive!

1:26- I’m at 4 cm. finally some change!!! But Harper still hadn’t dropped into my pelvis. No bueno. To coax her down the doctor was going to add a TON of fluid to my tummy. This was gross. It was probably 10 lbs of fluid…and y’all, what goes in must come out. EEWWWW!!! But it didn’t hurt. So whatever! Let’s do it!

2:15- I finally reach 7 cm, 100% effaced, and Harper is dropping down low! I can feel that!!!!! Thank good was things are going our way. I alert everyone of the positive change!

2:30- after observing that Harper was responding negatively to my contractions with a dropping heart rate, my doctor informed us that we were immediately being sent to have a c section. She informed us that things were going to move very fast from here on out. My heart sank. For one thing, I had labored for 7 hours and was finally progressing…for another-it’s a surgery. That I will stay conscious through. I was terrified all over again. I fell apart. And had no time to put myself back Together before I was whisked off to the surgery room. I have never shaken so violently in my life. I looked like I had been stuck in the snow for 5 hours! I just could not control it-it was crazy!!! I’m pretty sure seeing me that scared freaked John out. Not to mention they didn’t let him walk with us to the operating room-he had to wait until they came to get him.

I’ll have to continue the story tomorrow when John can help me with all the details of the rest! Clearly it resulted in the cutest most advanced baby in the world.

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Oh baby


Well I guess we all knew she would have to be served an eviction notice.

Well, miss Harper…you have just been served.

Today seemed uneventful. We woke up around 8-9. John had his coffee while I snuggled in my pillow mountain in the bed for an hour. after a good pillow motor boating I decided to get out of bed and fluff my hair.
After all-I was promised sushi before my doctors appointment.
We ate at rock n roll sushi -and it was DELISH. Best place in the ham for sushi I think! The waiter casually told us we would probably have a baby today. Haha, Jeremy…I know better. She never wants to come out!

Fast forward we go through the usual checks at the doctors office. She noticed I was still measuring a little small so she said shed send me for a casual ultrasound just to see what Harper was up to. No big deal. This happens every couple of weeks.
Before we left for the ultrasound she set us up an induction date! How exciting. We can FINALLY see the light at the end of this pregnancy tunnel!

December 6th. That’s when we would meet Harper! Woohoo!

We skip and hop to ultrasound.

Then we get to see our chubby baby.

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Hello chubby bunny!!!!
Get this. The ultrasound tech let us know she has BIG HAIR! Many of you may not know that I have a blonde Afro if humidity allows. GIANT hair. Always have. It’s much cuter on a baby than an adult. I digress.

Then…the ultrasound tech let us know that Harper was measuring 3 weeks behind and we needed to head back over to talk to the doctor. Odd-they never send me back. I honestly thought that meant I’d be pregnant another month to let her grow. (please no more of this pregnancy stuff!!!)

The doctor lets us know that we will be sent to labor and delivery. WHAT? I mean I know I want her now-but I thought I’d have more mental preparation to drive myself nuts worrying about D day! Now I have to cram all the anxiety into a day!

Luckily I had our bags packed! Like I do every week.

So here we lay in the hospital with foley bulb inserted (OUCH).

And we wait. I have a feeling this part of the process will be hard so keep us in your thoughts. Especially John…he may have to visit the battered women’s shelter.

Updates to come if I’m not in too much pain!:)

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