This is where we live

And that’s a baby on the doorstep.  When she’s older, we can tell her that is where the stork left her.

Take 2

I’m so excited to take her around the neighborhood in her costumes, because our neighbors love Halloween! Everyone decorates!

Hope you’re doing something fun for the fall holidays!


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What to do…

We have an issue.


Rather, Harper and I have an issue.

She likes to do fun things.

I like to stop her from doing fun things. Ya know, like eating the trash, licking the remote, beating on the table in public, trying to play with expensive statues in others homes. Sounds fun huh?

I’ve been perplexed on how to approach her. I’m not so sure spanking is the route I’m ready for right now. And I don’t even know if she would understand it.

Here’s what I’ve tried so far:

  • Holding her hands down when she beats the table. Then she screams like a banchee and we have to leave the restaurant.
  • Telling her no and redirecting her attention. She goes right back to what she wasn’t supposed to be doing.
  • I’ve tried telling her NO firmly in addition to smacking her hand. Yea that worked really well…she looked at me, giggled, and hit me back thinking it was a game.
  • I’ve tried putting her in her crib, but that’s for sleep and she knows it, so she goes to sleep…at the wrong times of day, screwing up the nap schedule!
  • I even let her experiment with the stairs she always screams to get to. (there’s 3 of them total) and she toppled down 2. I thought maybe that was a lesson, but after seeing her go right back to what she was doing, I doubt it.

Any suggestions? Is she just too young to understand discipline? She’s not a bad baby, in fact, she is the happiest baby in the world. She just gets into things that could be dangerous to her, or could be dangerous to our electronics!

Maybe just strap a helmet and knee pads on the kid and let her go?

AND if she’s this clumsy now……..what kind of driver will she be? O_O

Help will be appreciated.



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15 week post

Because I’m too impatient for a 16 week post.

Here’s the baby yawning:



Here’s the bump growing:


(courtesy of an awesome etsy seller I found,  )

Here is the skinny on what’s happening:
Size of the baby: 4 inches and 2.5 ounces. The size of a naval orange. I didn’t take a picture of one this time. The grocers always look at me strange when I do, anyways.

Weight gain: 7 lbs.

Gender: Touchy subject. I was hoping to find out Monday. Baby had other plans. SO I am going to a local ultrasound college to be their guinea pig, and maybe their instructor will see the goods! One can hope.

Movement: The past few days, I’ve been sure of movement. The past 2 weeks I THOUGHT I felt it, but wasn’t sure. Now I’m sure.

Sleep: I can get to sleep around midnight or 1am and sleep until John wakes up between 6-7. Then I usually stay in sleep limbo until 9 when Harper lets me know I need to get up. It’s been SO HARD the last few weeks to get out of bed. I feel like I could sleep until 2pm if nobody was here! Even if I manage to get 8 hours of sleep. Naps are usually out of the question, I lay in peace for Harper’s nap everyday hoping I will fall into nap mode. Once a week, I actually do fall into nap mode…which is HARDCORE NAPPING. Deep sleep. Crazy sleep. And it’s short, but IT’S GOOD.

what I miss: I miss being able to sneeze without the worry of giving myself a golden shower.

Cravings: Gummy bears, reece’s pumpkins, sushi, spaghetti and meatsauce, beefaroni, oatmeal with chopped apples, egg noodles.

Symptoms: Well I thought the nauseated days were behind me, but this weekend I threw up and felt green for the most part. Today has been fine though. So maybe it was a freak occurrence. I’m tired. Really tired. Extreme forgetfulness. Time warp syndrome. Ya know, where you have no idea where your week went, why you didn’t talk to anyone, you know you went places but don’t remember any of the travels.

Best moment this week: Buying my one single yearly purchase from Anthropologie. A scarf. It’s amazeballs.

Worst moment this week: Being told the ultrasound tech couldn’t see the gender! :*(

That’s all folks.


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The one upper

We all have them in our lives.

Or at least stumble across one every now and again.

The one uppers.

Ya know:

“Oh really? Your birth story was scary? Well I just sneezed and my baby just came out during labor, breached, and already speaking full sentences.”


1. one upper
September 7, 2009 Urban Word of the Day
An annoying person who responds to hearing someone else’s experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic (or terrible) outcome.
Person: I got to meet James Hetfield before the concert and I got his autograph.
One Upper: Yeah, well my cousin knows the head of security for Metallica, and he got us front row tickets to the show and then we went backstage and met the whole group. Then they invited us back to their hotel room and we partied with them all night.Person: I have a a dislocated knee.
One Upper: Yeah, well last summer I broke my leg in four places and had to have a steel pin inserted. I also had to have surgery done on my knee to repair the torn ligaments. I was on crutches for almost two months.
2. one upper
A person who always has a better story. If you killed six goats, he or she killed 23. Most of the time they will get angry because you told a story about ONLY killing 6 goats.
Person 1: Wow, this is a nice view. How much land do you own?Person 2: Umm, I think about 69 acres.Person 3(One upper): YOU own 69 acres!?!?!?! MY UNCLE OWNS 178!!

It’s hard to ignore One Uppers because you know that they’re either making that sh#t up, or they were planted in your life to make you feel like you’re just not good enough in whatever way.

Do you know a One Upper?

Have you been one? I’m sure I have been there done that. I just didn’t write it down, but I’ll bet whoever I tried to one up wrote it down, just as I’m doing now. 🙂 But whatever, they probably only wrote it once, and I’m writing it twice.

I try to take this mental approach with One Uppers:

  • Tell myself (inside my head, not outside, that’s important) that there are just a few facts from this story that are missing.
  • I just let them have this as their internal victory, because I don’t want to be in a one upping war. I’m not that desperate for them to think that I am better than or equal to them. If they need that for their life to be complete, they can have it.
  • I also have to keep in mind that maybe he or she didn’t mean it that way. Maybe they just got excited to tell me their experience and it just happened to be much greater, bigger, and better than my own. Maybe they had no idea they were being a One Upper.
  • Let it go. Although, keep note that it happened. If it happens over and over again, it’s probably going to be an issue you don’t want to deal with. If they one up you a certain amount of times, just let them pass away from your contact with ease, and find someone else who will stand with you, not above you.

I can look back on the routine one uppers in my life and see that they just NEED that extra something to make them feel better about themselves. There’s always something missing in their life. They magically forget all the bad times they’ve ever had, so that they don’t have to discuss any part of their troubles with me, so as not to appear on the same level as me possibly? I’d respect one uppers more if they would say “hey, I’ve had times like that and they sucked, but this is what helped me out, and maybe it can help you too.” or “I’ve never dealt with that specifically, but I did have issues with XYZ that you could probably relate to since they’re similar.”

I’m going to try to make more of a conscious effort to not be a one upper. I’m going to keep my eyes out for people that are consistently this way towards me and back up.

I must add, that since this post is so nonspecific, I know that half of my world I know will question whether it is them I have posted about. It’s not specifically about you. Whoever you are. I was simply watching my daily trash of Real Housewives, and watched a One Upper train wreck that I can relate to my own life. I relate it to MANY people. People I’ve known for years, family, people I’ve met for 3 minutes, and people that I don’t personally know other than this blogging community. I’ve been told more times than I can count that my blogging is so unspecific and open ended that someone will undoubtedly pick it up and read their name written across every complaint I’ve ever written about. Ever. It’s going to happen, and I’ve just accepted it. This place is my therapy. It’s my release. I have other blogs that have the specific dirty details of my life and the people in it, but I choose to stay a ghost on those blogs. They are for my unloading only. My specific unloadings.

I hope you liked this unloading.

Thanks for this also:

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What to expect when he’s expecting

I recently had the pleasure of chatting up an elusive Daddy Blogger Kenny, from Dadguide.  ! I really LOVE daddy bloggers because they seem so connected with their wives and bumps! It makes me excited to see that they are excited enough to share their joy (and pain) with the world! I know that several men don’t feel connected with the baby until it actually arrives, which I can understand to a point. They don’t FEEL the signs of pregnancy a woman does. They don’t pee their pants when they sneeze or feel sweet baby moving around at first. It’s just a different side that intrigues me!

Of course I had to shower him with questions about his thoughts on pregnancy and what is to come. (dun dun dun)  Be prepared folks, he’s funny.  I like it.
Here are the things I sent his way:

Are there any baby items that you or your wife are obsessed with yet? (Mine was toboggans from etsy. I bought so many, I would hide them from John when they came!)

No items in particular. However, she has become addicted to garage sales. It started off as a great way to save money, but it’s gotten to the point where she no longer knows what she’s looking for, she’s just a hound for all baby crap. Shopping of any kind is more painful than taking a roundhouse to the face, and garage saleing is the worst form of shopping. I hope to God this phase ends soon.

What do you think the birth will really be like?

Since I’ve never been present at a birth (is it a bad sign that I hate the word “birth?”), I’m just envisioning a lot of screaming (mostly at me). My wife also has freakish strength for a small woman, so I’m guessing I’ll leave the delivery room with a broken hand.

I’m a youth soccer coach and a huge fan of battle movie speeches, so I’m guessing I’ll try to give her pump up speeches throughout the process. This will inevitably make her enraged, and I might be kicked out of the room.

What do you need in YOUR hospital bag to survive the stay?

Great question. Assuming these are only my personal items (not my wife’s), my survival bag will include:

· Starbursts (I still eat candy like I’m 9, especially when I’m stressed)
· The best book I’ve read on being a dad, “Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads” Not only is it informative, but it’s clearly written by a guy who is still awesome. It’s hilarious, and puts things in a language I can understand.
· Some kind of an “I’m a proud papa” t-shirt. I’m going to talk up my little guy to whoever will listen, so a shirt like this will probably allow them to broach the topic. Or it will at least warn strangers that I’m going to show them photos of my little man.
· Camera. I plan to document the entire experience.
· I’ve already found that pregnancy and babies tends to immasculate, so I might need some flannel, a football, and access to a radio so I can listen to sports talk radio (The Dan Patrick Show is my the greatest man show every made)

Have you been bringing home strange foods for the wife yet?

· Her strangest craving has been her returned love for Totino’s Party Pizzas. She hadn’t eaten them in years, and now, bringing home a party pizza makes me the most popular man on earth.

Has she tried to stab you yet?

· Strangely, she hasn’t gotten overly frustrated with me (yet). The only personality trait that has been unpredictable is her inability to multi-task or think with any clarity at all. She’s spacey as hell, and it’s hilarious. So while she hasn’t tried to stab me, she has accidently almost killed me with her poor driving, and almost burning the house down.

Did you deserve it?

· When she does try to stab me, yes, I’ll probably deserve it.

Imagine yourself pregnant. What do you think you would be like if:

you couldn’t see your own junk?

· Terrifying. I like to keep close tabs on what’s going on down there.

you couldn’t clip your toenails? (I couldn’t really come up with something that men routinely have to reach their lower extremities for lol!!)

· Kind of awesome, I’ve always wanted caveman feet. Having an excuse not to mess with my own feet would be swell.

you couldn’t have a beer w your buddies while you watch the big game?

· Giving up beer wouldn’t be the hardest vice to break. Coffee, excess candy, and playing sports would be the hardest things to give up. Don’t get me wrong, football + buddies + beer is always a great time, but I could go with just football and buddies

However, my wife has had to endure 2 bachelorette parties where she was the only sober person, and I can’t imagine having to endure that kind of a train wreck sober. Being the only sober one in the bunch, that would suck…hard.

your friends and family made you want to hurl? (ya know, because they always cook that ONE thing that smells like ass…..or they have burping and farting contests during halftime…whatever!)

· I love broccoli, and I’ve had to stop cooking it around her for this very reason. My wife is nicer than I am, if somebody was cooking crap that made me want to puke, I’d tell them to get the F out if they ever wanted to see the baby.

you gained 20lbs in 4 months?

· You haven’t met me face to face, but I’ll go ahead and say with confidence that I’m the skinniest person you’ve ever met. I have the metabolism of a freaking hummingbird, and I’ve never been able to put on weight. I’ve always wondered what I would look like if I wasn’t freakishly skinny, so I would be all about the weight gain.

-What do you think your top 3 cravings would be to get your ass to a monumental size?

· Tapioca pudding
· Chimichangas
· Starbursts (I can’t stress enough how much I love candy)

-Would you REALLY avoid those “dangerous” foods? (Deli meat, yogurt, fish, sushi, eggs over easy, artificial sweeteners, canned foods)

· I’ve been stressed about having a healthy baby from day one. So I think my fears about having an unhealthy kid would outweigh my cravings. So I think I could do it.

Now onto the new baby…I’m using blue for my side notes since Daddy blogger is having a BOY!!!!  

1. How many diapers do you think you’ll use a week?

· I’m guessing more than 7.  We found ourselves using 10-12 A DAY.  Nuts.  So that’s about 100$ a month in diapers if you are using disposables!  

2. Have you made a “panic word” to scream when you’re kid exorcist style vomits on you, the chair your sitting in, and the ceiling? (I personally like “code papaya”!!!!!)

· I love Die Hard, I’m going with “Yippie Kay Ay!”  That’s good.  I like it.  There just needs to be a safe word…one that conveys that you just held Mount Helena and and it erupted.

3. What’s the best way to cut a baby’s finger nails?

· Absolutely no idea. Is that bad?

They actually just tear off.  Sounds scary, but they tear off right where they should.  They’re so thin…like paper!  

4. When you go shopping with a newborn where do you put him in the cart?

· The fact that I know none of these answers is becoming alarming.

This was the most disturbing shopping account I’d had right after having Harper.  I tried to put in the little compartment up top………but……..uh…… way.  Doesn’t fit.  Did I DREAM that people put the car seats up here?  Entirely possible.  Well I hope you’re not shopping for anything big, because until he can sit on his own, baby boy has to go in the actual cart part!   Even typing this 10 months after having a baby, I’m appalled that nobody told me this.

5. What will you keep in your car (at all times) as your emergency baby kit?

· Until I know what’s necessary, the Subaru will be filled the brim with stuff.

I used to pack mine with EVERYTHING.  I figured out all I need to put in my seat caddy is: a few diapers, travel wipes, extra paci, extra outfit, and we are good.  

6. Are you going to do some sort of schedule when he arrives? (like we take turns changing and feeding, or you feed and change from 9p-1a and I take it from 1a-6a)

· I’ve already come to grips that my wife will control me like her own personal robot until we get through the early “no sleeping” period. She went through the hard part, I’m game to be super-dad for as long as she needs.

You’re a good man.

7. What do you know about breastfeeding?

· It’s shocking how little I know about breast feeding.

Here are some things I would like men to know about it:  It sucks sometimes.  It’s HARD.  It’s emotional.  Always have encouraging words…never mention formula if you don’t think that is an option yet.  Formula was the F word in our home.  I would FLIP OUT when John would say “maybe we just need to give her some formula if she’s not as big as she should be”………that translated to me “well you’re a big fat failure and your boobs are good for nothing, you’re probably starving our daughter with your nasty bad milk.”  I know, I’m crazy.  But it really bothered me to feel like I wasn’t doing everything I could.  And I was makin’ milk like a dairy cow.  Enough for twins.

Other than that info, offer nipple cream, nipple shields, or soothies whenever ya can!  And I’ll tell ya a little secret….you’ll get back to the good stuff in the bedroom if you clean the bottles and pumping supplies often 🙂  

8. What do you want to know about breastfeeding?

· Since I’m sure I’ll do most of the cooking early on, I’d love to know what my wife needs to eat to make sure she and the little man are getting everything that they need. Other than that, I’m on a need to know basis.

Milk is the only thing I had to stay away from, because it gives baby gas.  Other than that, I ate like a fat kid.

Dear Harper

Dear Harper,

If someone told me that you would be the happiest baby in the world on the day that you came into the world…I may not have believed them.  I mean, I knew you’d be MY baby angel….but I didn’t know you’d act like one.  This week you’ve had your moments FITS.  But I know it’s a combination between being sick and teething, nobody feels like being nice when they’re sick.  Even being sick, you were smiling and sweet.  I’m sure anyone who missed seeing your outrageously disgusting vomit spells would never suspect that you were sick.  I hope you’re this way when you are older!  My mom tells me that you are a lot like me, except much more social.  You make friends EVERYWHERE you go.  Everywhere.


These are some things you are doing at 10 months old:

  • You can climb halfway out of your pack n play.  I can only assume this means you will be all the way out in a few months time.
  • You have switched “Mama” to your favorite word again FINALLY.  I had begun to wonder if you were ever going to say it again!
  • You have a favorite movie.  Dispicable Me.  AND MOMMY EVEN BOUGHT YOU THE BIG FLUFFY UNICORN FROM THE MOVIE!  
  • You also have a favorite youtube video.  Twinkle twinkle little star from super simple learning.

You have sprouted your first tooth, and in only a week, I can see it’s making some real progress!!

Last week

This week

Maybe I’m obsessed with it, but I notice the difference from last week and this week!

You can clap your hands! (I would upload a picture of it, if my computer wasn’t being so fussy right now!
You’ve grown so much, I can barely grasp that you will be one year old in just 2 months!!

The Mommy

The Happiest Girl in the World

She is.  It’s true.  I had a REALLY terrible pregnancy, and it WAS a savings account for a great baby (as I suspected)!!!

Watching her FAVORITE movie and dancing every time she sees the minions and little girls!

She’s always been my little gerbil baby, because she will drink from cups and bottles standing up if I hold the bottle, and will refuse to use her hands to help if she doesn’t want to. I told John we needed to put one of these in her cribs and we would be all set










Only kidding. Sort of. It’s funny though. 🙂

But at least she’s shown me that she CAN indeed hold her own sippy cup up and drink while sitting up! This is rather new, she would only drink reclined or laying down by herself.

Anyways…great to release a little happy on ya.


Prep work

I’m not sure when this started.  The seed was planted when I was pumping breast milk because I had to do it every 4 hours (minimum).  There was always an abundance of milk laying around in line to be fed to baby hungry hungry hippo.  I knew to put a time on it and sit it on the counter we usually feed from.  Because if we lost the milk……..we nearly lost our minds.

And so the prep-work continues into formula feeding….

I set out bottles with 6 ounces (free hand poured THANKYOUVERYMUCH) so that we can just dump the pre measured formula into the water:

I set out madela bottles with 3 scoops of formula.  These are different because they are “night time” bottles.  We mix the water in the formula, THEN add about 4 scoops of rice cereal.  They’re done differently because it’s a pain in the rear end to try to pour water into a bottle that already has 4 ounces of the dry stuff in it.  It was a lesson that took a couple months to learn.

Then sprinkle in some baby tylenol and oragel for a teething baby – and we are set up for success.

I really only forget the set up once every 2 weeks.  Because it wakes everyone in the darn house up when I don’t do the prep work.  And I’m the only one who does the full monty, so I’d better do it if  I want my precious night time sleep.  I can refuse to do it all I want……..but then I’m just pulling my hair out when John is running around the house at 4:50 am screaming where is the bottle?!?!?  Where is the formula?!?!  I lost the baby!!!  Just kidding on the last one, she is usually in the crib at 4:50am.

I wish someone had given me a set of instructions on prep work before the baby came, but, how can you start prepping for someone that you’ve never met?  I mean you can prep with clothes, diapers, and all that jazz…but you don’t know what they will eat, how much of it they will want, when they will teeth….so I will follow my basic prep guidelines with baby 2.0, but I’m sure they’ll be a little bit different!

Tell me about your prep-work!  Oh, and vote for me at top baby blogs!  🙂  Just click HERE to submit your vote for our blog!